"Erin?"
I feel the side of my bed weigh down next to me and a hand grip my shoulder, shaking me gently. I turn around to see Abby looking at me with a comforting smile on her face.
"Hey, Abby." I sit up and rub my eyes blearily, wincing slightly from how sore they are from crying.
"Erin, what's going on? Patty had to pick Holtzmann up from a bar last night because she was so drunk she couldn't stand up straight. She says you broke up with her?"
"I didn't break up with her. I just told her I needed some time."
"What else is that supposed to mean? What brought this on all of a sudden?"
"My mom found out about us..." I pick nervously at my comforter, unable to make eye contact with my best friend.
"So what?" Abby's voice has turned sour, as if she's appalled at my response.
"So she was pissed, Abby! She told me no one takes us seriously. That we're a joke and this is just making it worse. And she told me I was dead to her. And what if she's right? What if we're just some huge fucking joke? People are probably laughing at us!"
Abby stands up abruptly and starts to pace back and forth next to the bed.
"Erin, I'm saying this because I'm you're friend, and I care about you. But you need to wake the fuck up!" She yells, startling me in the process. "Who gives a shit what people think? Do you love your job?"
"Of course," I mumble, my voice so small I'm surprised she heard me.
"Then who cares! Erin, you are 40 years old. You have GOT to get over this mom complex of yours! She's a shitty person and I understand it hurts that she's so heartless and cold, but you have to live your life for you! You're not allowing yourself to be happy! I KNOW that you're in love with her, Erin. Patty and I BOTH know. And guess what! She's in love with you too! But because of your ridiculous fear of what other people think, you're destroying one of the best things to ever happen to you!"
She throws her hands up to her face and takes a deep breath into them. When she sits back down on the bed, she pulls me into a hug.
"Erin, stop doing this to yourself. Stop letting her control you. All she's doing is trying to live the life she wanted through you and I could literally bitch slap the hell out of her because of all the crap she's put you through." She pulls my head up and cradles my face in her hands, forcing me to look at her. "Please, Erin, just be yourself. And don't let Holtzmann get away. I don't usually believe in soulmates, but if soulmates exist, then you and Holtzmann are the exact definition." She kisses the top of my head and stands up, grabbing the jacket she sat on my desk. "I'll see you in the morning."
When she walks out of the door, I curl myself back into the fetal position I was in and cover myself with my comforter. She's right. I know she's right. And tomorrow, I'm going to make this right.
---
The next morning, I wake up with a whole new world view. Holtzmann is the love and light of my life, and I am going to get her back, no matter what it takes. I love her. I am IN love with Dr. Jillian Holtzmann and I no longer give a crap what people think about me. From now on, I am going to live my life the way I want to live it. It's definitely going to be hard, trying to ignore people's judgments, but I'm confident that Holtz will be my rock. She'll help me. She already has.
After I get out of the shower, I pick out a white button up blouse and brown skirt that I know Holtzmann loves, and wear my makeup smoky, which she also likes.
I leave my apartment and pause on the sidewalk, taking a deep breath in and blowing it out. I can do this. I have to do this. Not only for me, but for Holtzmann. For the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. For both of us.
