The Feeling of Absolutely Nothing

Chapter 7

Small
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You feel small looking at how big the city is. You realized that there is more out there, but the abundance may be for the worst. With how my life turned out so far everything I do has been for the worst.

Even when the Gods give me a chance to lift the unlucky burden from my shoulders, I ruin it for myself. Someone in heaven gives me the chance to be happy and I ruin it.

Niall was that chance, he was the chance at happiness and I threw him away like he was nothing just like those boys did to me.

I did to Niall what those boys did to me, it was no fair of me to do that. But I did I made him feel the way I felt and feel, I made him feel the way I promised to never let anyone feel.

I'm worse than Zain, I'm worse than Harry, I'm worse than the devil himself.

The necklace I threw away, Naill gave it to me when we met up at the park just before he tried to kiss me. He loved me but I didn't feel the same way, I couldn't.

All boys have done nothing but hurt me but when the chance of redemption came to change that I turned it down.

...

"How's life Arlie?"

"It's okay."

I hug myself trying to keep warm because it's cold, it's always cold.

"It's a shame this summers almost over."

I look at Niall who's looking at me, "I know I don't want to go back to San Francisco."

"I don't want you to go back either."

I smile a little, "You're the closest thing I have to a friend."

"I don't understand why you're an amazing person to talk to."

"You too."

We sit on the swing set at the park before Niall says something,

"Arlie, do you know that your pretty?"

I scoff a bit at his statement not believing what he was saying, no one has ever called me pretty besides Zayn and it didn't end well.

"Oh stop, you live in California there's got to be prettier girls out here."

"They're pretty, but I think your prettiest."

He taps my nose and I laugh a little, "Niall your too sweet."

He smiles and looks at me before going into his pocket, taking out a velvet box.

"Here I got this for you so you can remember our friendship when you go back to San Francisco."

He opens the box and takes out a necklace, it was silver and had a surfboard charm with a little red gem in the corner.

"Niall, it's beautiful."

He looked at me and shrugs, "I can help you put it on?"

I nod and he goes behind me and clips it on, "I can't thank you enough."

"Please don't, really it was nothing."

We stayed there on the swing set for a few hours before we realized how dark it was getting.

"Arlie, I'll walk you home."

We walked for some time before Niall spoke, "You know I meant what I said, right?"

I look at him confused, "What do you mean?"

"That your beautiful, I just think it's important you know that."

I smile a little and we continued to walk before Niall stops, "I really like you, Arlie."

I stop and look at him my heart wrenching as I remember the boys from home in San Francisco.

"I like you too Niall, but..."

Before I could continue he moves closer to me gently holding my face, "I love you."

I stare at his blue eyes as he moves closer, I stare into his eyes and just before they close, and just before our lips touch I push him away.

"...just not like that."

He looks at me the light in his eyes dim and the sound of his voice changes, "oh."

He looks away before looking back at me, "So you don't like me?"

"No, no, I do but as a friend."

He shakes his head, "Well that sucks, way to mess with my feelings."

I look at him confused yet desperate trying to understand what he's trying to say, "What do you mean?"

"I thought you liked me you just said you did, what did I do wrong?"

"Nothing, I swear!"

He shakes his head and chuckles bitterly, "Then why would you say you liked me if you don't?"

"Niall, I like you just as a friend, can't we just be freinds?"

"I love you Arlie, I don't want to be just friends."

"Naill," I got to touch his shoulder but he moves away.

"Have a good night Arlie."

He starts to walk away, "Niall, wait!"

He walks further and further and I stand there and wait hoping he'll turn around and come back.

He didn't...

...

The next day I went to the park and Niall wasn't there. For the rest of the summer that was the last I heard from Niall.

That was the last I heard from my freind, that was my last chance I had to be happy.