I'm sorry too [Kendall Jenner]

10: I don't

Kendall

I woke up feeling happiness dance inside my veins. Val was sound asleep next to me; I had to catch a flight to Paris. And this time, flying to Paris wouldn't hurt me as much as it did the last time.

Pictures of last night invaded me, making me feel as if I could fly by just closing my eyes.

"Good morning" I whispered kissing her lips

"Mmm" she moaned stretching her body "Good morning" she said back with a cheeky smile

I looked as her as if she was the most precious thing I had, she was. She was everything I needed.

She sat on bed, looking for her clothes. She took her underwear and stood up from bed; she picked up her t-shirt and her jeans and dressed herself in a quick motion. I looked at her with a mix of adoration and hurt.

"I have to go" she said looking at me and smiling slightly "My plane leaves in an hour and I have to re do my bags"

"You can travel with me" I offered "I have a private plane, and we can leave late if you want"

She looked at me and scratched the back of her neck

"Look gorgeous, last night was mind blowing" oh no "But you have to know that I really don't do relationships, people tend to get bored of each other and before that happens I stop the avalanche of feelings so I avoid hurting someone or someone hurting me"

I couldn't react, my body froze and words stood stuck in my throat

"I'll see you in Paris, maybe we can go and grab a drink or something?" she winked before sprinting out the door

What just happened?

"Wait..." I tried to call her but she was long gone

----

The rest of the day was like a blur, I made everybody change my hotel in Paris, I didn't want to stay in the same hotel as Val, and I wanted to avoid her as much as I could. I was so ashamed of myself.

"Why don't we go out tonight?" Bella suggested seating on Gigi's bed; I wasn't going to sleep in a room by myself anymore. I couldn't risk myself to fall for my mistakes. As much as I loved Val I needed to heal, this was enough.

"How was your night?" Gigi tried asking, but I just shook my head pointing that I wasn't ready to talk about it

"I don't want to" I sighed looking through my phone

Val had an instagram, pictures of the shows on New York and Milan flashed through her profile, she was getting really famous, 4 million followers.

"She's getting pretty well known" Gigi whispered looking from my shoulder

"Yeah..." was all I said

"You should follow her" Bella suggested

I shook my head

"What happened?" Gigi insisted

"We made love" I whispered, Bella covered her mouth in shock

"What...?" Gigi said

"I kissed her and the next thing I knew we were in my room making love passionately and moaning each other's name" I blushed at the memory

"Why aren't you with her?" Bella asked

"She woke up really fast and changed in one swift motion saying she wasn't the relationship type" I sighed desperately

"Wow..." Bella stood up and joined Gigi and me in my bed "That fucking sucks"

"Yeah" I simply said "I think I'm going to give Emily a chance"

Gigi looked at me as if I had grown another head

"Why don't you find someone else?" she hated Emily "I know a gorgeous girl who would be more than thrilled to date you"

"I didn't now dating was this hard" I sighed deeply

"Welcome to the real world" Bella laughed

I was 23, most of my dating life was with Val and guys who they related me without actually being something. Val was my first time and my only serious relationship.

"What about that Kristen chick?" Bella suggested

"The twilight one!?" Gigi asked in surprise

"Look girls, I know she is gay and I am gay but that doesn't mean we would necessarily match, being gay and single is harder than you think" it was the truth

"Let me set you up, please" Bella begged

"Sure, I have nothing to lose" I shrugged

"The twilight chick?" Gigi asked

"Yes, Gi, that chick" Bella rolled her eyes

----

First dates are awkward, for real. But mostly if this is your actual first day a hundred percent sure that you are in fact gay.

I didn't know I was gay when I met Val, I could be bisexual or something. But no, after Valentina I was completely sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a girl, not a guy. That was for sure

"You look very pretty" Kylie had come to Paris, I don't know why I was doing this; I was working, not in some sort of vacation.

"Thank you" I was freaking out on the inside, Bella made me go on a date with Kristen and this was going to be all over the news, for sure.

I walked outside the hotel. It's just a date, it's just a date, it's just a date.

---.

"Hi" I greeted Kristen with a handshake

"Hi, Kendall" she smiled at our hands together

The dinner went smooth, no awkward silences, no fake laughs. She was a great person, charming, a little awkward but in a very cute way.

"I met Bella like 2 weeks ago in New York and the fact that she called me to say 'Hey are you interested in going out with Kendall Jenner?' sort of freaked me out" she laughed

"I'm really sorry if she made you feel rather uncomfortable" I apologized laughing

"It turned to be fun, actually" she was cute

"I need to tell you something, I might scare you but, I need to make that clear" she nodded cleaning her hands with the napkin on her lap

"Okay, shoot" she said calmly

"I'm not interested in one night stand things. I'm not that kind of girl, I swear, I just want someone stable who won't break me"

She held my hand on the table

"I know this is our first date, and hopefully our next date can be in another country" she laughed "people think that by the fact of being gay they can set us up with other lesbians" she sighed deeply "But I can promise you this, we won't have sex until our 10th date"

I sighed in relief

"Thank you for understanding" I said

"I know how you feel Kendall, I've gotten out of a very serious relationship recently and moving on has become a very difficult task to complete, don't worry"

For the first time in a very long gap of months I felt somehow relieved, there was a life after Val and I really wanted to find peace and happiness again, step by step and one day I could finally fee like myself again.

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