therapy » hood

03

03 ✖ scars

day 3

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It was already night when I woke up in my bed, my head was pounding. Flashes from what happened hours before were coming to me. I breathed out heavily as I shifted on my bed. I observed the bedroom. The floor had been cleaned, there were no signs of broken glass or photographs on the floor. No sings that I trashed my place whilst having a panic attack. No signs of anything.

I kept thinking about Calum. Many questions kept buzzing me. How did he came into my room the exact time I was having a panic attack? Did he knew I was having a panic attack and rushed to me because of it or did he casually walked in to have a chat and had the luck to find me while I was having a panic attack? Why did he stop me from hurting myself? Why did he put me to sleep? Did he always keep tranquilizers in his bathrooms or was it just to use it in case of an emergency? Nothing made sense. Neither did the music playing in the background.

I looked at my left and realized that Calum sitting on my bay window looking up to the shining stars and the moon with a guitar on his lap. He was sang a foreign song as he played. I sat completely silent and watched him doing what he loved; singing and playing an instrument.

"Those scars on your wrists are the mark of the world

An ocean that's left you so torn

But remember the heart you brought into this world

The same one as when you were born

How confused you must be

Finding love in the blood that you bleed

But the truth is that I see

Why you say that 'it's hard to be me'"

In this moment I was glancing my left wrist. I knew I had round about 54 scars in which 12 of them were fresh. I couldn't see my scars though, Calum had bandaged them. They didn't hurt much so I bet Calum had disinfected the cuts and maybe even put some moisturizing cream on them. I sighed and silently thanked him for taking care of me before looking at him again.

"And we all make mistakes

It's not you, but this world you should hate

You're as beautiful as you were yesterday

And those tears in your eyes are the product of lies

You've been lead to believe that they're true

But remember the light you brought into this world

I promise it will get you through

How confused you must be

Finding love in the blood that you bleed

But the truth is that I see

Why you say that 'it's hard to be me'

And we all make mistakes

It's not you, but this world you should hate

You're as beautiful as you were yesterday"

I swear to god it felt like he was singing to me the whole time but I knew he wasn't. He wasn't even aware of my now awaken presence because he kept strumming on the guitar, this time, he was playing a song that went by the name Over And Over. At one time, sadly, he stopped. Then he looked at me and and his lips curled upwards in an honest smile.