Torn and Tied, the Things that Lie Behind (Princeton Love Story)

So is it true?

Friday June 4, 2016

"So is it true?" Jacob asked referring to the on-going rumors. "Do you really like me?"

I laughed trying to play it off, but when he gave me the side-eye, I knew he wanted a truthful answer.

"Im serious Jasmine."

There was no use in lying now... I sighed and looked down, playing with my fingers.

"J?" He gently held my chin up, so I was looking at him. Gosh, he's so impatient sometimes.

"Hmm?" I concentrated on his afro, avoiding eye contact.

"Do you like me?"

I sighed once more.

"Yeah...I-I like you." I spoke softly, afraid of what would happen next considering the fact I've held it in for so long.

He stood there with an expression that wasn't readable..

"So that's it?" I asked raising my voice to its normal tone, as a result of me feeling slightly rejected and embarrassed. "You're not going to say anything?"

"I mean, what can I say?" He replied. "My best friend for almost 3 years just told me she liked me." He chuckled and I twisted my mouth into a frown, my temper jumping from a one to a ten.

"QUE DIABLOS ES CHISTOSO JACOB?" I shouted, speaking my native language.

[Translation: What the fuck is so funny Jacob?]

He scrunched up his eyebrows, the abrupt change in my voice disconcerting him. It then looked as if he were apologizing through his eyes. But I didn't acknowledge them because he didn't even have the audacity to just say it. I know I'm making this a bigger deal than what it really is, but that just really blew me.

Jacob just stood there, making me even more upset.

"You know what," I answered with so much anger, sadness, confusion, and heartbreak all together. "Whatever." As I was turning on my heel, Jacob stopped me.

"Wait," he said. "I didn't mean it like that J, I'm sorry."

I punched his chest. "Yes you did, ugly!" Even when I'm absolutely incensed, I still manage to call him by the nickname that he grew to love-I shook my head-and I really didn't know why.

Still determined to get whatever he wanted from me, Jacob grabbed me by my waist, turning me around. I shivered from his hand in contact with my bare skin, as I always did. He looked down at me and moved a strand of hair from my face. Cupping my cheek, Jacob looked for forgiveness in my eyes.

"I apologize if I made you feel some type of way. I-I didn't know what to say. I was just in a lost of words, I guess. Surprised. Speechless." I didn't say anything, knowing he had more to say. "And the laugh it wasn't, it wasn't--" He sighed deeply, trying to gather his thoughts. "I didn't laugh because what you said was funny, I laughed because I thought it was cute how you've liked me all this time and you still managed to control your feelings. You didn't let them interfere with our relationship as best friends: and I love you for that."

As he was talking, I felt a well of water build up in my eyes and looking at him, everything was blurry. I really didn't know why I was so emotional. Maybe it was because I've been just a friend all these years.

He kissed my forehead and pulled me into a tight hug. "Please don't cry."

I broke out of his grip, aggressively knowing that him bringing up the topic, will make me just burst into tears.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Leave me alone, Jacob." I spoke as sternly as I could, well aware that I was stronger than what I appeared to be. With that, I walked away.

Jacob called after me, but I just continued to walk away until I started running. As the tears started to trickle down my face, I remembered what my father always told me: 'Never cry over a boy. He isn't worth your tears or your time.' And it was true, Jacob wasn't worth it... I sniffled for the last time, then wiped my eyes.

When I got home, all I could think about was what just happened. Ugh! Why does life have to be so complicated? Why do boys have to be so complicated? Why does he have to be so complicated? You know what...I just don't understand.

I laid my head on my pillow and reminisced on the past.

Our past...
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