His Promise Land

Journal [1]

TEN YEARS LATER

Ashley's POV

"Get the hell off me!" I screamed at Jace, who looked a bit hurt but then got back to his usual composure. Grinning, trying his best to get to me. I didn't know whether he wanted to annoy me or make me love him even more.

"Why are you mad at me?" He pouted adorably, folding his arms across his chest.
I was trying not to stare at his face with that adorable pout of his.But it was kind of impossible. Seeing he was so beautiful my eyes hurt. In a good way, too good way. I cursed in my head.
My eyes stayed glued to the floor, "I'm not mad."
He rolled his eyes, not falling for my trick. "Fine. Why are you so annoyed then?"
Ugh, he got me there.
I glared at him hard, slammed my book down the table and stormed out of my room. Like a total drama queen.
I was gloomy, worse than PMS-ing level ten for the entire weekend because Jace was going into service next week and he would no longer be beside me. Could no longer feel him next to me.
I can't fulfill my promise if he's far away.
I shook my head, forcing the thoughts away and bite my nails instead. I practically stomped down on the stairs like an elephant, away from him and his stupid pride and stupid dream. My mom screamed to keep it down and be more lady like but I couldn't careless.
The sun was high in the sky and the birds were chirping loudly, even trees and grasses looked like they were having more fun than me. I looked away from the gorgeous view and was more than happy to drown in my sorrow.
I just simply lay down on my backyard, away from Jace, from my nosy mom. Just away from everything, because soon I will be alone. I need to get used to the feeling. Stupid Jace.
My eyes hurt from the blinding sun, I stared at it too hard in futile hopes that it can get my feelings to lighten up somehow and not trouble Jace anymore. To feel alive, somehow, when he wasn't here anymore.
"Brooding never looks good on you." Said the most annoying person in this world right now. I didn't answer him, just shielded my eyes from the sun and continued to stare at the sun like no one was talking.
Ignoring things until they go away seems pretty good right now.
He sighed and flopped down next to me, stretching like a cat under the warm sunlight.
"I don't get why you like to stare at the sun so much." He said quietly.
I turned to look at him, like usual, how beautiful he was, always rendered me speechless. But I never pay any attention to it, just went on with my life and cursed my overly beating heart that always beat out of time because of him.
His golden hair was shinning under the sun, like a halo. His skin was tanned from all the sport he played. Honestly he's talented in everything, even know how to ride a horse. Who the hell knows how to ride a horse? A prince?
His eyes were blue, so blue that I could drown in them thinking they were the deepest ocean or brightest sunniest sky but when he's angry, they looked like the stormy sky and the darkest violent part of the sea.
Jace turned to look at me, feeling my stare. He just stared at me and I stared back at him. Right now, those eyes reflected the bright blue sky behind him.
What will I be when he went away? Will he be safe? What will happen to me, some girl who couldn't keep her promise?
His hand shot up and rested on my cheek, cupping my face gently. "Don't cry." He whispered, I blinked at him.
"I'm not." But that was a lie, because at the end of my sentence my voice cracked. He looked at me, pain evident in his eyes. I hate to see him like this. I made him sad.
But I can't help it when my best friend, my everything, was going to leave me. I didn't know what to do, what to feel, what to expect.
I never had a day without him since we locked eyes in the grocery isle when we were five, Jace just moved in to our neighborhood and me being an only child, I never had someone like Jace, someone I share my laughter and cries with.
Will the future hold the same happiness as the one I'm holding inside my palm right this second and the years before that? Will the future take away my current happiness? By taking Jace away?
He turned to face me and held my hand. Looking up from under his lashes, smiling gently at me, despite my tears, his eyes still sparkled. Like he was happy and not sad in the slightest bit.
"Liar. Pants on fire." He whispered, holding my hand tighter.
I stared at him, like really stared at him. He was still smiling like he was not disturbed at all. "Aren't you scared?" Scared of being without me? We have spent more than half of our lives together— I feel like I'm losing a limb.
His eyes softened, "Of what?"
I shrugged and managed to shook my head. My heart squeezed and thrashed in my chest, his words kept echoing and buzzing in my ears. "Anything. Injured?" I managed to get out, trying to get him to tell me what's on his mind. His weakness. 

I wanted to hear that he's scared of losing me, scared of dying, scared that he's going to leave his family, scared that he will be all alone, scared of being without me like I do him. Love is a funny thing, isn't it? One minute you want their happiness and the next you want them to be happy with you.

"Then I'm afraid of lots of things, Ash." His eyes glinted a bit, like he was thinking of something else entirely. Weirdo.
"But not because of the army. I've been preparing for this all my life, so no. But because of you."
A glimmer of hope raised inside my heart, like a balloon. I looked at him hopefully.
"What will you do when I'm gone. Are you going to be fine without me?" He paused then it was like something changed in his eyes. Something erupted and shifted. Like fireworks.
He caressed the side of my face again, softer like he was afraid I might break, like one wrong move would make me run screaming. "What kind of guy you will find, will he be good enough for you?" He said so softly I could barely hear it.
My eyes widened. Did I just hear that right? Sure he was protective of me, but never once he talked about relationships. It's awkward enough for us to have our families know each other so well that there's no secret between them. 

"I know it's my fault, Ash. I'm sorry I made you sad. But still I have to do this." He sighed heavily and dropped his hand away from my face. "You of all people understand the most why."
Like I could forget about it. I remembered it like it was only yesterday. I nodded, numbly. "For your father."
He smiled, a bit forced. But nevertheless a smile. "I know you once told me that you were going to protect me. To be my shoulder to lean on... But for just this once, before I go..." He stopped and his breath came out shaky, my ears perked and my mind ventured on dangerous impossible venues of endless possibilities of what he might say. "Would you promise me—"
"Guys! Lunch time!" My mother called from inside the house.
Jace closed his eyes and stood up, offering his hand, "Come on."
I just nodded and stood up as well, with his help. Such a gentleman.
I can't stop thinking about what he was going to say as we walked side by side, like we always do.
Not for long, though.
Something tickled in the back of my mind, what was he going to say? What else he wanted me to promise?