the rain poured.
he listened closely to its gentle knocking on his window.
he pressed his cheek to the glass.
his breath formed vapes of air on the surface. it resembled snowflakes.
the chilling sensation of the glass cooled his burning, red eyes. his eyelashes were still damp.
his spine was rigid, he was shaking intensely from the cold.
he could hear his pulse, thrumming slowly, shallow and softly.
his breathing was controlled, hazy, almost quiet. everything was quiet.
he closed his eyes. the light was too unbearable to look at.
everything was unbearable.
it was there, like a friend he's been neglecting. it was in the corner of the room, in the shadows, but it was there.
memories. his conscience. rationalized thoughts.
he was a frog in a pot, the pot getting warmer and warmer on the fire without him realizing, the warmth such a soft, comfortable, secure feeling.
then the frog dies.
he wanted to scream, as much as he wanted to fall limp.
words kept replaying in his emptied head. faces, memories, floating away.
and unanswered questions, dreading in the corner of his mind, like dogs being chained to a rusty pole, neglected.
he used to sit here. he liked staying here.
with me.
he liked many things.
not me.
what are you doing right now?
in the rain, damp and bitter and homeless.
and why did you become homeless?
why did you listen to me?
was i worth listening to?
am i worth anything, actually.
how many more times am i going to say sorry?
and is anybody listening?
i never deserved anybody's time, it's clear.
stop being stupid, and asking questions.
you clearly don't have the courage to answer them.
coward.
you have never been the sunshine of other people's lives.
look at what you have done.
look at his state of mind.
clearly, if you weren't near him, this wouldn't have happened.
if you stopped being the rain to everybody's lives, they would have been so much happier.
they are the light. you don't deserve light.
you don't get to bring them down.
get down phil.
will you even have the courage to breathe, now?
what will you do, phil?
staying here is such a coward move, idiot.
you don't even have the courage the get up?
he got up, his legs shivering over his body weight.
he stood up, and reached for the rope.
// i apologize for the time between chapters, i've been having issues lately, i'm sorry.
and i'm sorry for the gloomy chapter, but we haven't even started getting depressing. //
YOU ARE READING
ends. //phan
Fanfiction"May I have your full name? -Daniel James Howell. -Date of Birth? -June 11, 1991 -Adress? -...I don't have one anymore." There's no more "and". It's not there anymore. No more Dan of Dan and Phil. No more Phil of Dan and Phil. Just D...
