ends. //phan

3. three bed flat to rent, pt. I

-dan, it's noon. 

he managed to grunt back for an answer,  as the shadow of a waifish silhouette leaned on the frame of the lounge's door, his back slightly curved. he had his arms crossed tight on his chest. he wasn't moving.

a pale light kisses dan's sleepy eyes. it's still raining outside the window. he turns to face his brother, his back aching from sleeping stifflly on the sofa. if that could be considered sleeping. he stayed awake all night, staring at the clock on the wall, turning side every two minutes. his eyes were burning. as they started to clear, the room gradually came into focus. he hadn't have the chance to notice things yesterday night as he stumbled  to adrian's flat, drenched in rain, shivering and haggard looking. it was a small room, with only a coffee table and a sofa, and a window and a dead cactus in the corner. 

adrian was still gazing at him, no evident emotion shown on his gaunt face. when their eyes meet, adrian seemed to stiffen even more. his pupils flickered to the window, so fast dan almost didn't notice. he soon realized his mouth was dry. 

-do you want a pint? his younger brother said after a long silence, finally looking at dan with his gaze, piercing as it has always been.  

-i don't want to go to some pub, though.

-i never said we would. 

with the kettle fizzling  on the fire and the rain knocking on the window, these were the only sounds in the flat. they were sitting across the small kitchen table, but it was as if they were miles away from each other. dan was a bit cramped, awkwardly slumping on the tiny chair. adrian just stared at his tea pot, that he just held, unmoving. they could have been two models posing for an neoclassic painting, at this point. the table was occupied by an untouched glass of cold tea. it was dan's. there was no pint. 

- have you already eaten? breathed dan, his voice barely overpowering the hissing noise of the kettle. adrian nodded subtly, without looking at his sibling. they both had their jaw clenched.

it finally became hard to stare at adrian, and dan shifted his eyes to scan the kitchen. there was nothing worth noticing, in the confined space that tried to squeeze in the petite fridge, a sink overtopping with grimy dishes, the rusty stove that seemed untouched, in spite of its tarnished looks. and with a shelf occupied by chipped mugs, and a wooden cupboard, it was all for the kitchen, and dan started asking himself if adrian managed to afford food. and guilt started to climb on his back, making him struggle to catch breath. it clutched his throat, pressed against his chest, twisting his intestines, making him dizzy. dan's eyes flickered to the window, afraid of adrian discerning the sudden shift of his brother's attitude. 

-how's art school,  dan asked after a while, openly aware of how boring and awkward and forced his questions were. 

-some folks call me caligula in math class. 

dan couldn't help but smile, and as he glanced at his sibling, he saw a slight change in the corner of his lips. the latter then stared back at his tea pot. another silence settled in the room. the water dripping from the tap, the raindrops falling from the leaves, a feeble sunlight glistening into the apartment. dan looked at adrian's features. he was so scrawny and rawboned, which made him look young and weak for his 21 years. 

-what about the love frontier?

dan now sounded like a distant relative, probably like a grandma or an indifferent aunt. he struggled to think of a better convo, but to his surprise, adrian gave him an answer.

-i prefer tea. 

-adrian, you're a hopeless aromantic.

adrian wheezed softly, and dan reminded himself of how his brother used to snort when laughing. when was the last time he saw adrian laugh? although the unease tension between the two brothers was still palpable, it softened to a less heightened stiffness, even if adrian kept his legs crossed in a rigid way, as if dan would attack him in some ways.

-so, what really happened between you and phil? 

his brother's words cut deeply, into his raw wounds, still oozing blood, a wound dan had tried to avoid touching. he opened his mouth ever so slightly, only to discover he had nothing to say. the actual thought of answering the question was buried deep in his mind, repressed forcefully.         his mind started running at top speed, collapsing on itself over and over. if his younger sibling figured out the lies dan uttered to him as an excuse to stay over, what else did he discern? 

his eyes flickered to the unwashed dishes, trying to avoid the gaze of adrian. 

-can i help you with the dishes?

-

phil

last seen 07:10

phil: please don't be mad. 

phil: dan?

// this chapter is in two parts because why not, i'm struggling with the second part so you're having the first part as an apology from me sorryyy//