again

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I swore to myself
I swore you would never be a part of my life again
Yet here you are
Like the parasite you used to be
But I guess you still are
Sinking your teeth into my brain and grasping your hands around my heart
All the memories
All the words
All the actions
Everything
It's coming back
And I can't stop it
I can't
It's coming

It's here
You're screaming
But not really screaming
It's the memories screaming
It's you saying those things to me
It's only laying my lips on yours twice
It's dreading we couldn't of had more time
It's the Phantom of what happened years ago
It's the apocalypse of my inner being
I'm becoming the shell I used to be
No longer letting people in
No longer accepting any bodies pleas to get better
Wanting to die
But wanting to live for you
Because as long as I can see you it's okay
I always told my self that your hateful words were better than nothing
You calling me a whore was better than nothing
You calling me a slut
Telling me to suck your DICK
Blackmailing me
Hating me
Bullying me
Torturing me
It was all better than nothing
It was

Not anymore

I thought I was better
But I'm not better

All I did was forget

Forget how hurt I was in those days
Forget why I shoved those pills down my throat in an empty hallway
Forget why I would shove anything sharp into my arms

I hate to think I could've forgotten
But it must mean I'm better
I'm better?
Yes I'm better
That's good

I'm okay
I'm okay
I'm okay


Authors Note

Starting to write more, just stuff I think up mostly 💘

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