I love being a mom but sometimes im not sure
Sometimes i wonder if adoption would have been a better choice
And not for me
For them
They couldve had successful parents
Parents with more money
Who could give them more opportunities
Parents with more patience
Because i am still just a teenager
I love them
I love them with every fiber, every atom of my body
I am here for them
And they gave me a reason to do better
But i still wonder
What if i had given them up
What if they were somewhere else
They couldve had better lives
They could have had parents who pay attention to their every need
Parents who WANTED to have children
And i love them
But they werent planned
Because who plans on getting pregnant at 14
And im tired of the judging
People feeling sorry for me
People telling me im so young
That I couldve done more
That i threw away my life
But i didnt and they dont get that
Theyre selfish
They think of themselves
But was i selfish by keeping them
Knowing i couldnt provide them with the life they truly deserve
Because im 17, and they turn 2 in March
And am i really ready for this
Im so overwhelmed i dont know what to do anymore
Everything i do i have to think of them
Going to the bathroom takes 20 minutes to set up
Because i have to either take them with me or set up toys to distract them long enough
Or i have to make sure my brother is here to watch them
And if he is not, or if their dad is not, i have a choice of taking them to the bathroom with me or leaving them alone for 5 minutes
And what 17 year old needs 2 toddlers in the bathroom with her
And i know i made the choice
I know it was my choice to have sex
And i know it was my choice to not give them up
But we dont do that
My family doesnt do that
And i would get even more crap if i did
But more from his family
Because they all talk
Thats what theyre best at
"Why dont you do this"
"Who dont you buy them that"
Because IM 17
And life isnt perfect
But i researched whats good for them
I know how to get rid of a cold
And no soup doesnt take away the flu over night
It might help
But its not magic
And sure i know im not the best girlfriend
But i wasnt ready for this life
I was thrown into it
I was picked up and shoved into this tiny box and im not even sure when i will be free again
Im dying and nobody is listening
Not literally dying
Emotionally dying
Mentally dying
My life is draining
I feel like im wilting when i should be out on friday nights with friends making memories
I love them
I swear i do
I just gave up so much for them
And people keep asking for more
People expect more
And i dont have much left
Sorry for this rant lol
YOU ARE READING
Given Hope
ContoA series of short stories and little excerpts. Some are loosely based on my life and others are completely Fiction. Just a way for me to relax. Some are short stories, others are somewhat poems. Just thoughts. Graphic Content in most chapters Also...
