Our Secret - 우리 비밀

14. The Letter

Spending time with our friends was usually really fun, especially since Jongdae is back.
But it has been uncomfortable between me and Lisa.
Whenever I locked eyes with hers, she smiled nervously and fidgeted with her fingers like I was about to kill her.
She avoided me the rest of the evening, whenever I got close she slightly jumped and her fear hurt me.
My anger got the best of me the night before, I didn't just choke her, no afterwards I already was quite rough, is almost say brutal when I had my ways with her in my bed. She must've been exhausted, psychical and physically hurt.

Lisa tried avoiding Sehun as well, but she reacted different with him. It also hurt me.
Whenever he came closer to her, she didn't jump. She was surprised but she forced herself to distance herself. She felt my eyes on them. And also Sehun realised after a while, why she kept some distance between them.
With a sorry look on his face he looked at me, but honestly I couldn't feel angry at him anymore. The more people she meets, the more friends of mine I introduce to her, the kris people keep calling her beautiful, which she indeed is. She makes new friends all the time and j our neighbourhood she is also very loved. I believe I never saw people smile a lot in my neighbourhood, also because we lived further apart from the rest of the houses but also because nobody besides Lay really dares to get too close to my property.

I'm a nice person to them, don't get me wrong. It's rather the fact that my family used to own this place and always showed up really snobbish, as my sister Chaeyoung is the perfect example why people keep the distance from us.

What I'm trying to say is, Lisa is really loveable, she is kind and people love her. I do love her too, but I didn't treat her the way I should. I was selfish in this relationship. I decided things without her consent, even when she afterwards said, that it is alright, it was just wrong to always decide.

Every time I saw her with Sehun, even before I overheard the conversation. They oooked good together.
My looks didn't miss the way she felt so comfortable around him. How her eyes gleamed when he cracked a silly joke, how she was okay with him hugging her or touching her in general.
Since he was my friend I never thought too deeply about it.
But now that I know his feelings it was different.

And it seriously hurt me, but I felt like I made Lisa really unhappy. I was afraid of hurting her this way again. i noticed the distance she built between us. I knew she loved me, I knew she would suffer if i leave, but if she falls for Sehun. She would be loved, the way she truly deserved it.

By now, i wasn't really sure, if i ever expressed my love properly. I told her I love her, Ithink the important things were done poorly.

The evening continued smoothly, after a few drinks I didn't stare at Sehun nor Lisa anymore, i was too caught up in this misery. The guilt was basically killing me. The guilt of hurting her physically, of making her cry and it hurt to see her distancing herself from me.

"Hey Chanyeol, are you okay buddy?" Jongdae shook me.

After blinking a few times I could answer.

"Oh.. sorry, just got caught up with drinking." I replied.

"I think it's better if you go home. You don't look too good, it's not that long ago you were in the hospital.." Sehun said.

I saw Lisa's blurry figure walking up fro behind Sehun. She looked at me with worry but I felt suddenly so angry. Seeing them both next to each other made me mad. Seeing her worry over me made me feel bad, and then there was Sehun, who was supposed to be my friend but sneaked upon my girlfriend and pretended to be the saint.

Lisa pushed Jongdae gently aside and cupped my face. She poured me a glass water and looked at me. "Come on, let's go home." She said.

"I'm fine!", I snapped. Without thinking I slapped Lisa's hand away. It wasn't unseen by the others. i noticed how suddenly we were the center of attention. But my drunk state made me loose control of my words, my actions.