don't let go

chapter five

i woke up at around 7:30 am and my first view was her in front of me at the opposite end of the couch. i couldn't stay asleep. the thought of what happened wouldn't stop playing in my head. over and over and over. so i got up. i walked over to her and placed a kiss on her forehead and then headed to the kitchen. i made coffee because that's basically all we had and maybe 2 stale bagels from 2 weeks ago.

coffee it is.

it was so quiet and peaceful. just the noise of a few birds outside and a rare sound of a car passing by.

it was nice. and it was calming, but it was scary. 

i suddenly started to feel isolated and alone and i don't know why. and i feel tired and exhausted to no ends. maybe it's because it's super early. maybe it's because i only slept 5 hours. maybe. maybe. maybe.

after i finished my cup of coffee, i walked back to the couch where elise was still comfortably laying. she looked perfect. her body perfectly molded to the couch and her hair pulled behind her ear and her face was bare, but with no imperfections. she is...wow.

~

"morning" i opened my eyes and met with the gaze of my best friend. she was giving me a small smile and handing me a cup of coffee. i shook my head, "no thanks i already had a cup earlier today". she looked puzzled and took note at the current time, "but it's 9:15 am". i finally got up fully and scooched closer to her, "yeah i was up a few hours ago. couldn't sleep". she gave a cute lil pout, which, by the way,'was so adorable, especially when she was dressed in her cute olaf pj's and her fluffy monster's inc. slippers.

"so wanna do something today?", she asked while wrapping her arm around me. i grew silent and didn't even want to make eye contact with her. it was hard. this. this is so hard.

i finally got the courage to look at her and explain myself, "i'm really exhausted. can we just stay in for today?". she replied with a soft smile and a kiss to my temple. she got up and headed toward the closest. "where are you going". she suddenly came back with at least 3 blankets in her hands, "if we're staying in...we're gonna do it right."

she's so understanding. so amazing. so...elise.

"you're amazing. you know that right?". i could tell she started to blush, especially after she slowly tucked her head into her chest, "noooo you just...you deserve the best". after a few moments of silence, i broke it with a small smirk, "well i've already got you"

~

"what do you want on the pizza?". i looked at her and giggled "you know what i want". after she heard my comment she rolled her eyes and began to order, "hi yes can i get a large cheese pizza with extra cheese". she looked my way after she ordered to make sure it was correct and i replied with an 'ok' sign. "yes thank you that is it"

she finally came back over to me, which made me entirely happy because she filled the once before cold spot next to me, but it also made me happy because-because it was her.

"what do ya wanna do?" i pouted and and laid my head on her shoulder, "can we just like cuddle and maybe watch a show" and when i raised my head to see her reply, i had never seen her face so bright before. it was beautiful and effortlessly perfect, "of course we can"

i melted into her side and struggled to find her hand. she giggled at me not being able to find it and once i did, she rolled her eyes. but in a loving way. i could tell by that sparkle in her eye. her hand was soft and it felt like it was meant to be in mine.

i took my hand and slid it across her stomach slowly. once it reached her hip, i gripped tightly, but softly and slowly stroked back and forth with the pad of my thumb. after a few moments, the hair on my arms raised as her soft hand had touched me. she placed her hand on my arms and stroked back and forth, which was the most soothing thing i've ever experienced.

it had been extremely quiet since the show started, but it didn't matter because this moment was perfect and there was no where else i'd rather be. i'd rather live in silence with her than ever hear a word come out of anyone else's mouth ever again.

as if i thought i couldn't get any more goosebumps, she places her lips on the top of my head and gives me a small, but loving kiss, "you okay?"

of course i'm okay. i'm with you.

i smiled and nodded gently, "are you". she copied me and nodded as well, but with a cuter smile than mine.

after a few minutes, the doorbell rang and elise popped up quickly and ran to the door and slightly sliding because of her monsters inc slippers. she opened the door and smiled widely, which made me smile and blush, "hi! thank you so much"

she closed the door and looked at me and then raised the box above her head, "pizzzaaaaaaa!!!!". i chuckled, "you are such a dork". she walked back over to the couch and sat down, "yes but i'm your dork". she opened the pizza and handed me a slice, "yes you are my dork". a smile grew on her face as she heard my comment. she covered it with a huge slice of cheese pizza, which was amazing by the way.

not as amazing as her.

~

"it's getting laaaaattteeeeee" she said as she was slowly slumping down in the couch. "bud go to sleep. and go sleep in the bed this time so you're more comfortable". she pouted and furrowed her eyebrows like a four year old, "but-but...i don't want to leave you". hearing those words come out of the most adorable lil cutie pie gave me the biggest smile i think i've ever given, "i'll be right here the whole time. go to sleep okay?" "okay, but hug me when you wake up okay?" i nodded and tucked a loose hair behind her ear, "of course sweet girl"

she got up and started walking away. after a few steps she turned around and waved, "night night". i waved back and smiled, "night girlie"

~

elise left about an hour ago and i'm still sitting on the couch, but with redder eyes and more tissues than before. it's all too much.

i have to tell her. i have to right?

yes.

she needs to know and the longer i wait the more broken her heart will be. i just-i can't do this any longer. i need to tell her. and i will. tomorrow.

fuck.

it's going to break her.

i'm going to break her.