The World's Aftermath [ON MAJOR EDIT]

A/N, one where everyone may read

Hey, everyone! I know, I know, it's been a while and I've been very slow on updating and announcing new things, even more actually, I've been pretty quiet in both here and my blog in terms of writing. Due to my slow pace in writing and unfortunate luck for procrastinating, I've been too busy laying down on my bed, thinking how worse life can get and how much worth there is for any of my writing to even be read by anyone. This wasn't every day of course, but to sum all the complications up, this was pretty much why I've been slower than ever.

In my head, writing this novel in particular made me want to slow down my pace and take my time, but at the same time, I was worried, worried that being slower meant readers fading away. I know that's not for everyone's case, but hey, I'm a worrier. And I can't seem to find the time to be a warrior (stolen from sarah kay). And yes, I hear you and your wisdoms, that views and votes don't matter, but when you're a worrier, doesn't it, actually? No, no it doesn't.. but... still, no matter how much I tell myself, it still gets to me.

Oh the contradiction, the humiliation.

Right now, I'm one step away on editing my novel, start from finish. Even when the whole story is not completely done yet, I've had enough of my mind trying to tell me I should literally fix a lot of everything in here. And yeah, so metaphorically speaking, my heart decided to agree and here I am now, telling you that I'll be gone, for even longer. But that doesn't mean I won't be back. I'll be working on some big changes and even big enough that some parts of the story will be a bit different here and there, I'm still not sure, since I haven't started yet. I will though, let you all know on every important change I will make, what is scrap and what is new. Just to clear up all the confusion.

And to clear up my final thoughts, I'm going be honest with everyone. This is going to be all me, spilling the tea.

Besides what I've said in the beginning, I've also been having doubts. A change in perspectives and anxious feelings. I've been thinking if wattpad is actually worth it, if my story being here is really going to help me become a better writer, and if trying so hard to gain readers is really what I want to do. Right now, I can easily just blame myself, of how I haven't tried harder, or how this is just an ungrateful side of me that's talking. There were even times where I wanted to pull my story out, continue on my own without having anyone read it. Sometimes even now, it feels like a logical yet ridiculous idea. I'm not sure, this time, my mind and heart aren't agreeing with each other.

I didn't pull  this out of wattpad, obviously, as you can see now. But who knows? Once it's finished, maybe I will. These thoughts churning and turning my mind everyday, although occasionally annoying and painful, made me come to decision. My view on this story and having it in wattpad has changed a bit.

I know now, I can't keep telling myself that I'll win and become the best, especially in wattpad being a platform for... sometimes, specific things, I'm not putting a burden on myself that the votes and views matter. I'm just going to write, because I love to and because I want to. I won't always have this thought every time, but I'll let it be a foundation, words of guardians that'll help me along the way.

For you who's reading this too, writer or not, please don't let anything blind your passion and your drive for it. I don't want to be an annoying preacher, being all cliche, but... I also want to take this chance to say it. I guess sometimes, annoying can save lives.

Oh the pride and contradiction.

If you are a reader of this story, and you've come all this way from reading every. single. damn. chapter that I've written. Thank you. So much. And even if you haven't, or even if there are no readers of this story whatsoever, you reading this author's note of mine makes me so glad and happy, all the words that I've let you read will forever be grateful, and I hope it means something for you too. You've been with Cleo, you've been here with my thoughts just now, you've been exactly where you needed to be. I can't thank you enough.

Although this story has taken so slow and scarred in all the places there may be, I'm going to keep going and build up from this solid ground, fix as much as I can. I'm not going to stop and I'm so freaking glad I feel this way.

xx