REVENGE #Wattys2017

Eighteen.

My knuckles rapped against the familiar grey door and I took a deep breath. The door opened slowly and when I finally saw him, I couldn't breath. His curls were unwind and his under eyes were dark. He had grown out his facial hair and I didn't know how I felt about it. "Brit." His voice cracked, moving over to let me inside. "How are you?" He asked softly, closing the door. The house smelled like cigarettes and old coffee. "I'm sorry, it's been a mess." He cleared his throat when I walked to the living room.

I didn't know what to say to him or what my end goal was. I just wanted to see him. It's been weeks and I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to forgive him.

"You look tired." Was all I could say at first. He nodded, rubbing his eyes before sitting on the table in front of me, leaning his forearms onto his knees. "Are you ok? I know the past month has been a lot and I've been a mess."

"No, baby. I'm ok. You haven't done anything." He shook his head, placing his hand on my mine. "How are you?"

"I'm ok, Luke." I smiled. "I went to the house and I'm thinking about selling it."

"Your parents house? You went?" His eyes lit up and I nodded, biting my lip. "I'm proud of you, that couldn't have been easy."

"Have you ever been sky diving?" I asked him but he shook his head. I laughed lightly and leaned forward, my knees pulled up, my arms folded on top and my chin resting on my arm. "When I was like 16, I wanted to so bad. So, JT and I went with his Dad. The whole day, all of the excitement went away. I was a mess. I was so nervous and I didn't want to do it. Mark had already paid for it though so I promised I would go. JT and I get to the place and I'm so close to a panic attack that he calls his Dad and tells him I can't do it." I laugh at the memory and then shake my head. "But, Mark came out and talked to me. He told me I wouldn't be scared when I was doing it. So, I got in the plane and up until my feet left the panel, I was terrified. But, then, I did it and I felt so good. Like freedom. It was the first time I felt peace since my parents death. That's how I felt when I went there. I have been scared for so long but I got there and I felt joy. I felt free. I felt like all of these things I had been scared of didn't exist."

"Baby, that's so good." He smiled, brushing his thumb over my cheek. "I'm so happy for you."

"I went and met JT." I told him after and he nodded, like he knew. "He's not as bad as you think."

"I know." He chuckled, shaking his head. "If he didn't beat the shit out of me a few months ago, I probably would actually like him."

"He cares. About me. I don't have a lot of that. I have you and I have Amelia, Talia and Harper sometimes but I don't have a lot. He promised my Dad to make sure I was ok-"

"I know," he smiled. "We met at a bar the other day. He told me about it, how he didn't trust me. I don't think he does after everything in Miami." He sighed, dropping his hand from my face. "I regret it so much."

"Luke, I know." I grabbed his hand and entwined our fingers. "I'm not mad at you. I know you didn't mean it to happen. I just need you to promise it won't happen again. Because, I'm not staying around for another one. I'm also not going to let you live it down. It will always be my defense when you argue with me."

"You're being very manacle." He rolled his eyes and I set my legs down, tugging him to come forward. "But, I wouldn't expect anything else after what happened."

"I mean, two wasn't enough, you had to grab another one?" I gawked at him with my mouth hung open. He groaned, leaning over me with his hands against the couch. "Jake told me everything. How Charlie paid them and you were plastered. I'm sorry he did that to you."

"I expected it from Jake. Not Charlie, ya know?"

"You never picked good friends." I snickered, placing my hands on his face. "Did you mean what you said when you came to my door?"

"What did I say?" He smirked, falling closer to me, his forehead against mine.

"You know what you said."

"Did you want me to mean it?" He asked softly, brushing his fingers against my shoulder. I nodded, running my fingers through his hair. "I love you." He assured. "More than anything."

"I can't be hurt again. I won't be ok." I shook my head, licking my lips. "I need you but I won't forgive again."

"I'll do anything to have you back, B."

"I need you to take care of yourself right now." I brushed my thumb under his eye and he hummed. "Shower and clean up. Go to sleep and I'll help you with the house."

"I don't want to lose you again."

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise. Go get some sleep." I kissed his cheek and he nodded, standing straight before helping me up. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into a hug. One of his hands pressed against the back of my head and he pulled my against his lips. I held him tightly, pulling him closer to me as his lips moved with mine, slow and gentle. He pulled back and looked down at me, his eyes brighter then when I first got here. "I love you, Luke."

"God, I fucking love you too."