To this day I still don't know how it happened.
One moment we were sitting in someone else's theatre
My legs on your lap and that stupid smile on your face
And the next we were talking about all the ways you aren't who you think you are and pretending that who you thought you were wasn't the most lonely thing I knew
And now I just look at how far we've come and somehow
The fact that I don't know whether you will pick up the phone is the hardest thing I know. And I don't know
if this is what I want and I guess that would be clearer if we could both have that answer but for now all I have is
Those taunting moments and hints and the subtext and the elephant that's always in the fucking room because neither of us wants to close the door behind us even if we've already stepped through.
It sorta just flashes in my head every now and then.
The reluctance.
The games.
The hints.
And I'm not going to lie, this is the loneliest I've been in a very long time and it's not because I haven't gotten an answer yet.
It's because I'm afraid of what it will be.
