I guess the lies we tell ourselves aren't so different from the lies we tell other people after all. Those I'm fines and its okays and I'm over its are to convince ourselves just as much as they are to convince the people around us and I don't know if I think that's okay. Deep down we know it's not true and we know that some things have to be forced, like smiles and getting out of bed some mornings and somehow we learn to live with that knowledge and I don't know if I think that's okay either. I don't care. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. I've always wondered what a book that had all the lies other people have told me would be like, now I'm wondering what a book with all the lies I tell myself would be like. I expect there would be a few you're okays in there. A few I don't cares in there. A few I don't need helps in there. A few it was just a nightmares in there. A few it's overs in there. Smiles and laughs and that twinkle in the eye that sometimes looks a bit like tears in there. A few I don't need the sleeps in there. I don't want to get through the day lying to myself anymore but I don't remember any other way and for some reason that doesn't scare me as much anymore. I guess there are some things you eventually get used to. You tell yourself a lie often enough and maybe it'll become real. I guess that's sad. But then again, a lot of things are.
