Dee Likes Marah

History Class... 8th Grade

In 8th grade, all I wanted was to be perceived as cool by other people. And you know what, I think I was moderately cool to the general population, and I also think that people knew that I was closeted and gay as well. To be fair, I was making it pretty obvious, and it was really easy to tell. I went from being the girly -girl who was all pink everything, to the one wearing black and white shirts and sweatpants  with marble Adidas everyday. So I was acting stereo-typically gay. Being the sheltered one of my friend circle, I didn't really know much about being gay and being myself. Then I got used to it, and used to telling people. But you wouldn't believe the first person I came out to. It was my history teacher. Yes, really. Not my family, not my friends, (honestly they could probably care less with all their drama that was going on, we'll get to that,) but my history teacher. Yup. Actually I would say my middle school and its staff was pretty progressive, so it felt natural. 

Anyway, we were learning about Roman + Greek culture. Side note: At the beginning of the year  I made a pact with myself to ask Mr. B the most weird, and unexpected questions that he'd ever get from a student, EVER. One day, we were sitting in class, and I gave him the letter that I wrote the night before, hoping that he wouldn't freak out. He was an Atheist, (or so I thought,) so that meant he most likely wouldn't care, right? So I wrote him a letter describing everything that I wanted my girlfriend to be. Ooh I'm cringing just thinking about it. He was just reading it and laughing, and eating an apple, I think... 

What? I thought Why is he laughing?  Isn't he supposed to be mad? Everybody else I told was upset, that's strange. 

"You're not mad?" I asked... 

"Why would I be mad for?" B said

"No! You're supposed to be upset... everybody else is upset!? How are you not upset? I'm sick or something right? It'll go away.. that's what my family says. But it's been like 2 years..."I was getting red, and I couldn't even say anything anymore, it was something like an anxiety attack. 

"Dee, look," B knelt down to me and said, "I don't think you're sick. You'll figure it out. And by the way, that's a really tall order. Ay, I can't be mad, at least you know what you want, ya' know?"

I was still confused, and shocked by his reaction.... so I stopped by his classroom after English. 

"Hey B, thanks for not caring,"

He had a sly smile on his face, obviously still trying to stay professional. 

"Oh yeah, sure whatever. I'm too old to care about that stuff, so I don't mind. I think people should be able to do whatever they want, as long as they're not hurting anyone."

"That went well, I thought. Should I come out to my parents now?" I instantly got a cold chill down my spine. Baby steps Dee, baby steps.