Dee Likes Marah

The D Word

It's not the word you think.. I mean the other one. The one that rhymes with bike. I HATE that word. I don't know why... I was so used to hearing it before and I never knew what it meant... But now I do. And.. I really dunno. I've never been called that word before, but that feeling.
Like, empathy.. I'm not sure what it is. But.. I know exactly why I feel that way. There's another word that I really don't like. It's always been used in my community... but it never offended me because it has a positive connotation to it. It used to be negative... And now it's just like someone saying, "What's good" or "Long time no see"
Even before I knew I was gay I didn't like it. I knew there was a reason I didn't like it, but I couldn't exactly understand why, and (unsurprisingly,)it's for the same reason. It's not treated like a derrogatory word, but it is... to me at least. When people I know use it, they mean it in a "look at that.. it's weird" sort of way.  
Maybe it's because that other word wasn't supposed to be an insult... (in context)
This word has another definiton as well. It should be... And I don't know why my family was still okay using towards others... even after I came out to them. It didn't make a difference to them, whatsoever. Maybe it's because I'm overly sensitive... I dunno.
Maybe it's just me... But in my opinion, this word should not be used. Whether people acknowledge that the word is meant to be an insult, it is and, to me, it will always be. 

I have this experience ingrained in my brain that only solidifies my hatred for this word. 

The hot sun beamed its rays on my aunt's car. It was scorching, we had the windows lowered all the way down, our heads sticking out the windows like a dog gasping for air. It was still a chill  car ride. (Yes, pun very much intended, BITE ME.) Mom proceeded to discuss her week at work, and it seemed to be on her mind, but I was cool with it. Work had an impact on her, l understood  that a lot of things having to do with being a social worker had a huge impact on her mind, and how she felt, so I wouldn't mind when she had to get something off her chest. 

However, when they're wasn't much of a problem, more of a certain thing that a client's kid did or something, it was fucking boring. And it used to put a sour taste in my mouth. 

"This week at work was insane..." Mom started

I glanced at my brother. He was the more quiet one, way less vocal than I was, and I could tell by his facial expression that he was tired of this shit. Boy was he in for it. 

Oh boy, here we fucking go. 

My aunt turned to my mom in the driver's seat, indicating that she was ready to listen. She turned the radio down, and of course, so I was forced to listen now too. 

"This kid had a princess party this week. He had a princess dress on and everything..." My mom let out a long sigh and just shook her head back and forth. 

"Okay.. and?" my aunt said. 

She was a good egg. Even when I came out to her, she was sweet about it. So I knew she was hearing the ignorance in my mom's tone when she said that. 

"And.. that's just.. He wasn't like that before. I've been working with that kid since he was 3. Now he's like 7. He has to be being coerced into that sort of behavior."

Are you fucking kidding me? She's really pushing it right now. 

I forced my lips shut, practically biting them to keep my mouth shut. 

"Well, maybe he's just.. trying to figure it out. kids do that." my aunt knew I was listening, and it felt like she just snatched the words from my mouth. 

"You know, it doesn't work like that, they're probably forcing him to like stuff that he shouldn't."

My aunt was fed up now. So she just stayed quiet.