Dee Likes Marah

Friends...

So my friends.. I met Natalie in my 7th grade science class. I mean I thought she dressed cool with the flannel, short hair and no makeup, cute freckles, she was cool in the tomboyish kind of way, and knowing that she couldn't give two fucks about what anybody thought just made me want to be friends with her even more. I wore green flannel as well, but y'know obviously she pulled it off better than I did. Again, I tried way too hard... whatever guys it's fine. 

"Oh hey... may I sit here?" I was stuttering like crazy. I was expecting her to say "no" too. But she didn't, actually she said, "Yeah sure, oh you're Dee right, I was with you in science last year!"

Fuck, right. How do you respond? You're gonna McGuiver the shit out of this. 

"Yeah I remember you... you're Natalie right? Umm.. you sat with Maggie, yeah, she was cool."

Shut up and take your seat before you fuck yourself over. 

I reluctantly sat down.. staring at the ground. Then this guy came over and sat down with us. His name was Kev, he was gay. Mind you, I wasn't out yet, so.. it was cool to see someone so confident in himself, being loud and spontaneous. He had chokers on, and his nails were painted in like, this galaxy print. 

Holy shit.. are those press-ons? They look really fucking good. 

 Honestly, I could sit here and lie, and say that I blended in really quickly. But I can't, so I'll be honest with you and say that I felt really fucking uncomfortable and out-of-place. I gotta say though, after a few days, I felt really good. I owe a lot to them actually, especially Natalie. I mean, she helped a lot with me feeling more confident, just by looking at her, and I couldn't have asked for better people, and that's gonna sound fucking cliche but.. fuck it. It's true. 

My friends were really helpful. They came in handy. Specifically, when a girl came around and they would help me through my shyness a lot. 

"Fuck.. it's Laina. Hide me.." I said. Laina was one of my first straight crushes (they'll be more to come, trust me), and they would distract her from my drooling face, and droopy eyes that were imagining... things. 

"LAINA!" Kev shouted. Kev's screams were like.. an experience, so you'll never fully know what I'm talking about.  His personality is magic... 

"Oh hey guys.." Laina had on bright red lipstick, (scientifically stated to show that a woman is available, so I had the smallest sliver of a chance,) and  black crop top with black leggings and a choker. 

Anyway, so everybody else was chill, and I was just sitting there.. I don't know what I was really thinking. 

"Yo!" Kev said

Natalie just smiled with a peace sign up, she was cool like that. 

"Who's this?" Laina asked. 

"Oh it's Dee."

I smiled with not-fully white teeth only peeking through my small but puckered lip. 

"Hi.." I said That was really all I could say to her.. I mean, she was way cooler than me so what was the point in trying?

"Hey.." her eyes were almond-shaped very wide, meanwhile I was stuck with round small, brown eyes. I wasn't ugly, I just wasn't always camera ready, or photogenic. 

They all talked for a bit.. and then I just sat there, looking and stuff. It was like being a background character in a movie, it's not the actors' fault. They're just the first thing to catch your eye on the screen, and the rest of us are just filling space. 

That was the problem, I was just.. too regular, and there just aren't enough regular people in the world. Fuck natural selection. 

She just got up and walked away. 

"It's okay, she was straight anyway, and didn't she get pregnant by some Locklyn guy? Dee, you don't want none of that baggage." 

Kev had me laughing hysterically, yo. I still had the itching creeping up my neck though, the paranoia was coming back. 

It's cause she wasn't attracted to you.. she just thought you were okay... If she was gay, you'd probably turn her straight. We gotta fix this... makeup, personality, voice, change something, make it better. 

That's the issue... at 14, what way was there to make it better? I had more friends, (surprisingly,) but I'll get back to them later.