Between Us

Letting Go

He's crazy.

No, he's a fucking lunatic!

Never in my life would I have imagined myself in this position. Sure, I had joked about being here in the past but never had I actually meant it. But I've come to realize that nothing is a joke when it comes to Derrick. He doesn't take the bull by the horns like the saying goes. He takes it by the balls. The fucking balls.

That's something that I've come to admire about him. And at this moment I know he's a fucking psycho. But I'm the idiot, because for more than one reason I didn't say no. Although, to my defense I didn't think he was serious when we pulled up to the location. Or even when we got on the small plane.

But here we are, listening, or attempting to listen to the very tall, very smart, and very professional skydiver giving us all the safety measures before we jump out of the plane. Before we jump all 12,500 feet above ground. I'm trying to listen to the big guy in charge. His name is Steven and if Derrick wasn't here and we weren't about to jump off a plane I'd probably would be all on him.

Steven breaks away from us after letting us know that were almost at our 'jumping zone'.

"Hey, you don't have to if you don't want to." I turn to look at Derrick. I can see his concern, it's evident on his handsome face. I'm not sure if he really means it, if I really have a choice at this point because let's face it, I'm already 12,500 feet off the ground, I've signed the paperwork so I know the chances of me being able to back out are so slim that you couldn't cut it with a knife. But the thought that he would ask me, I mean seriously look me in the eyes and ask me if I really wanted to do this, has me saying yes. Even if he was the one who put me in this position, I know I'll be ok.

But of course, I don't let him know that, otherwise what kind of girl would I be. "Don't tell me you're chickening out Rick, come on I'm sure Steven will hold your hand through it all." I wink at him as I say Steven's name which has Derrick shaking his head at me before he flips me the bird.

I'm sitting next to him, shoulder to shoulder and I can feel more than I can hear his breathing. He's nervous, I can tell. And so without overthinking, I reach out and grab his hand, I lean in so my head is resting on his shoulder and let out a slow breath. We don't say anything for a few minutes, that is until he breaks the silence surprising me.

"I remember when I graduated high school, I was so pumped. I was excited to get the hell out of there, I was excited for grad night, but I think I was mostly excited that my parents had made the time in their busy schedules to attend my graduation. They'd be so proud of me, and I would finally be able to see it in their eyes," he swallowed hard before continuing. "Except, Dad received a call that morning reminding him he had a Gala to attend to with my mother by his side. His presence was required and I was so fucking pissed off. I remember looking out in the audience and not seeing them out there. I blew off Grad Night with my friends and did the stupidest shit I had ever done. I went skydiving, got on a plane just like this one and jumped off. I had just turned 18 so I didn't need anyone's legal permission. The thrill of it all made me forget everything, I screamed so loud on my way down, letting all that build up shit out."

He laughed silently to himself then. "Eventually, when I got home, Elise was pacing up and down in my kitchen freaking out. She had received a call from the school letting her know that I never showed up for our Grad Night trip. She was so pissed off that she grounded me for the summer. Granted, the punishment didn't last long because after a few sweet words she let me off the hook." He looked at me then, with sobering eyes, "I just hope, jumping off this plane will give you what it gave me."

"And what's that?"

"Freedom and reassurance. The freedom that you need to keep pushing through this shit you're going through, you're not tied to it. And the reassurance that, even if it hurts and even if it torments you every day, one day you will be okay."