Our love gone wrong

Too far

I was so happy. Till randomly one day a switch flipped in my head. I had been with this guy so long, and I wanted to end up with him. But he's all I've ever had. I've never given any other guy a chance. If we were together forever I would never kiss another guy... and I didn't like that. I told my best friend about this thought. And she told me that's scary. In such a serious relationship you can't go on with these great doubts. I needed to tell him. So I did. But nothing happened. It was just always something in the back of my head. One day we were on a field trip and I was hanging out with my friends mainly, not him. He got mad. He yelled at me in front of everyone. He had always threatened stuff like "we're over" but I would always say "please don't I love you". This time when he said we were over, I didn't. I said OK. I let it slide. Then I started crying. We both were very upset. I went to my friends house afterwards and wouldn't talk . When I started to I started bawling. I told her I had no clue how to handle this. My first heartbreak was a big one. When my mom came to pick me up I told her. I started crying. I said I couldn't handle it. He texted me and asked if I was fine. Then I told him something because I knew it would hurt him. I told him I told my mom what he did to hurt me. He loved my mom. He always cared about what she thought. And this crushed him. He texted me saying this stuff about how he was so sorry he hurt her daughter. He said he didn't mean for everything to escalate. I missed him too. I needed help with homework later that night. I always called him about it. For a split second I forgot we were broken up. I start to call him. He's so excited to talk to me. Honestly I was fine without him just a little sad. But he was a mess. I end up saying " Oh I'm sorry I just I..." and we admitted we missed each other. But I said I couldn't date him. The next day at school he cried all day. He was miserable. I was fine though. But eventually after 2 days of that I couldn't handle breaking his heart anymore so I took him back. But I knew those feelings still meant something. They made me question if I loved him. So I prayed very hard that I wouldn't feel this anymore. That he would feel them. Because I wasn't strong enough to break his heart. What I didn't know was I wasn't strong enough to have my heartbroken either....