UNRAVELED // YOONMIN

DEEP END

I began spending a lot of time with seokjin,

It was strange because he was so flirtatious,

And I was so unsure about everything that was related to him,

He would meet me first thing in the morning,

Eat lunch with me,

And he even went as far as to walk me home.

Everything was in such a new and strange territory for me,

Because I knew for a fact,

Even as I tried to convince myself otherwise,

That I felt something for seokjin,

Something that wasn't just infatuation,

It was something that caused my insides to curl up when I saw him smile at me,

It was something that caused me to wonder if he was doing okay

And caused me think of him whenever I saw cooking shows,

Because he had told me once that he loved to cook,

And that he wanted me to taste food that he has made at least once.

And for a second I can see myself falling in love with him,

And that thought alone scared me,

Because I had always grown up in fear of the word gay,

Because everyone around me was screaming that it was unnatural,

That two men shouldn't fall in love,

But why was it so disgusting to them?

Why do they feel like they can control who people fall for?

So although talking to him was like paradise,

My mind was a mess and never allowed me to enjoy it.

And I think he noticed because he would get a look on his face,

And he would pat me on the shoulder while backing up,

But that made it even worse,

Because now I was torn between admitting my feelings to him and conforming to my family's values,

Stuck in between two entirely different worlds.

So as I was sitting by him,

And he took my hand in his,

I didn't pull my hand away,

As a sort of reassurance to him that he wasn't wasting his time on me.

And with a squeeze of my hand,

He began talking,

"You know,

Being gay isn't so wrong,

Because how can it be wrong when it feels so good?"

And with those words etched in my heart,

I jumped off the deep end,

Waiting for someone to catch me,

Little did I know that he wouldn't be the one who would be at the bottom of the abyss,

Patiently waiting for me.