Jump | H.S.

Chapter 18

Jumper's P.O.V.

Maybe I was wrong when I thought that Harry wouldn't hurt me. It's not physically, but mentally. I feel almost as if I'm not good enough for him, and I'm just something to keep around and protect so nothing will happen to me, making him have a good conscious.

I tried so hard not to cry, but I couldn't help it. I thought I loved Harry, but now that I have a feeling of never being able to have him, it's almost as if I know I love him. I don't even care how crazy or sudden it sounds, he's helped me through so much and has been there for me.

That's how it started with Mike too. He was sweet and there for me and everything a girl wanted. I try to push these thoughts away, but they won't budge. Harry is nothing like Mike, and I need to realize that. I guess after everything in my life, it's hard to realize things about men; realizing that they're not all the same and that some are actually good people.

Harry's a good person. I know that for a fact, and I think that's why he's so easy to love. He doesn't even know how good hearted he is, and I wish he would.

I'm not going to discuss this issue with him any longer. I feel embarrassed to be honest. I feel like I told him something I should've held off on until I thought he felt the same.

Love is a strong word, and I told it to him with absolutely no emotion coming from him back. It was almost like the words went through him, back to the days with Darcy.

I'm not Darcy, and I don't want to be compared to her. I want him to see me and just me, and yes he loved her, but I can't help what happened. I don't want a hole in his heart forever, I want him to know that he can still love even after what happened.

It would be hard, I can't even imagine losing the person you wanted to spend forever with. But don't dwell on it, you can't move on if you do.

"Please don't cry," he whispers as he reaches across, trying to wipe the tears escaping my eyes. I move my head, causing his hand to only make contact with the air. He lets out a sigh as he puts his hands in his lap, not knowing what to do.

"I-I should probably go," I mutter a I stand up and walk over to my bag.

"W-what?" He stutters as he follows me. "No, you can't. Mike's out there and-"

"And what?" I sob as I try to control myself, but fail as every second goes by. "Try to protect me so you feel as if you can finally sleep at night," I sniffle and choke as I try to retain my breathing. "I have feelings, I am a human. I don't just want to sit around all day and be protected by someone high strung on the past. You can't love me, Harry." I begin to cry harder, feeling like Alice when she couldn't fit into the tiny door that takes her to wonderland.

"You will always love her. You're heart will always belong to her. A heart is one thing that cannot be shared, I understand everything."

He shakes his head rapidly, trying to convince himself that maybe, there is a part of him that can keep me here. The part of him I fell for.

"I care for you, I care so much for you, Jumper. I just don't love you, that's a strong word and meaning and I think it's too early for that."

"So you think I don't love you? That it's too early in the game for love?" I wipe my nose on my shirt, causing me to cringe, but I ignore it.

"No, I know that you have stronger feeling, because your story is different from mine. I don't have to go through shit like you, endure the pain you do— well did. I won't let them touch you again. I won't let them even look at you again, or I will kill them." He is getting angry. But I know it isn't at me, it's at the picture his mind is handing over to him as he thinks of the men touching me.

"Harry," I sigh as I rub my eyes, trying to rid them of the stinging and tears they bear.

"I mean it. I will protect you, I will keep you safe. I can't let you go." I have to go, or I'll become crazy if I stay in the same house as him. He has no idea how much I do care, and how hard it is for me to even speak of leaving, let alone actually do it.

"I have to. Let me go, Harry. Forget that I was even here, and continue with your life."

"I didn't have a life before you," he whines, trying to now be positive. "I just drank a lot and spent my time in bars. You changed that though, don't leave, I won't let you leave."

I push the words away of helping him have a life again. It's his choices of having a life or not, not my being around him.

"I'm leaving," I say determination in my voice. I don't care where I go, what Mike does to me if he finds me. The one I love and care for does not feel the same back, making nothing else in this world even matter.

"No you're not," he protests as he grabs the bag from my hands.

"Harry," I whine as I reach for it, but fail at the height difference. "Stop, and give it back," I growl as my nose lets out another sniffle.

"No, I said you're staying, so you're staying." He was frightened, it was there in his eyes that he was afraid of what would happen to me. But if he worries so much, how could he not care more?

"Damn you," I mumble as I begin to get choked up again. "Give me my bag. It's my choice, and it's also my life. Whatever happens to me is not your priority, so let me go. Let me walk out that door and never come back. No more Jumper to worry about, no more Mike to worry about. No more nothing," I have to stop before exploding into sobs once again. I don't know where all the courage to even say this came from, it's completely opposite of what I feel.

"Don't," he says as his face bears a large frown. "Please don't."

"I don't belong here." His shoulders slouch, giving me a chance to grab my bag. I walk quickly to the front door, before looking back and see him standing there, staring at the floor beneath his feet.

I want to tell him I love him, but it's useless, and would only make it harder to me to leave.

Shutting the door behind me, I run out into the rain not knowing where I'm going, or where I'll end up.