A Knight in Pretty Shitty Armour

1. Nothing More, A Lot of Less

I regretted agreeing to the "date" the moment I entered the diner and I was basically alone in my pretty little dress, nervous and shaking.

Ok, I'm exaggerating, because I need your sympathy, but like, seriously. No one stood up Cassandra Holden. And Alex freaking Knight had managed the impossible.

I shrugged to myself because fuck it, if I've come all the way to this way-too-cheesy place I might as well as have some milkshake, because my hangover had still not been cured, and my head was pounding. Plus, nothing like some good chocolate milkshake to enjoy as I pondered over how to kill Knight.

I was midway dropping a text over how I would castrate him when I heard the doorbells jingle. I sent the text, and then guess what happened.

"Hey, Cassandra!"

I looked up and saw Alexander Knight, all shining with a head full of gold. Ugh. At the same time his phone chimed and he checked it, obviously having gotten the "I'm so going to castrate you, you dipshit" message. In far more colourful language.

Well. Talk about awkward situations.

The look he was giving me was somewhere between confusion, fear and amusement. Ha.

"Um, hi?" He said again.

I decided to resolve the awkwardness right away.

"Let me make one thing clear, Knight. You're shitty, your humour is shitty, but I'm bored, which is why I'm here. There's nothing more and a lot of less. More of food, actually. That's it. Deal?" I said.

Oh yeah. I was going to make such an amazing human being.

Alex continued looking at me blankly, which made me feel even worse, because I don't do awkward. He really needed to say something or I would go ballistic.

But of course the douche didn't say anything. He simply shook his head and then he pulled my milkshake towards himself.

I was going to murder him.

Fucking Alex Knight. Ugh, what did I even agree to?

***

*One week ago*

The last thing I expected on Friday night was to see Alex Knight at a party of a college that was one hour away from his.

This cemented my suspicions that yes, Alex Knight was indeed intent on stalking me, because obviously, he didn't get the "I don't want to talk to you or be your friend" vibes that I was sending via text at all.

Yeah. Maddie, my best friend, had caved (the little traitor) and given him my number, because I sure as hell had given my 100% to resisting against what Knight called, his "charms".

And I hadn't even known why I replied. I mean, I could have ignored him and gone about my own way.

But I'm Cass Holden, and I don't like to back down.

So basically you'll say that I brought this upon myself. Please don't be frustrated when you see that I am, infact, denying any role I played in my own misfortune.

I just read the last sentence and well, it's a good thing I'm studying to be a psych student because I SO need therapy. Ugh.

So back to the absolutely wild party the fraternity were throwing. Or maybe they'd like to call it wild, because for me, it was the most boring thing I'd attended in my entire life. Sure, it was the typical red cup filled with beer, dancing (really, it was barely disguised grinding) and heavy making out/eating human faces in the corner scene....But that's not wild. That's just high school repeated. And I would do very well with not having high school repeated.

I didn't have friends yet (not that I was actively looking for friends). Well, there was my roommate, Regan or Felicity or something, I didn't care; but she was a total bore. The kind who wouldn't ever think of stepping into a party like this. She never really talked and looked at me like the Devil himself had made me his wife or something. I mean, I had five tattoos and wore a lot of kohl. That was literally it. But people would always be judgemental and I had long ago given hope on humans ever seeing beyond appearances.

But then, on the other hand, I didn't have to go through the painfully awkward phase of talking to new people. Even if I had been their roommate for well over months.

It was at this party that Alex Knight entered, looking like he owned the place.

I was prowling around the place, trying to avoid dangerous cups of beer flying around and humping bodies, looking around for a stoner to give me some weed. I was getting angrier by he minute (I know, I know, I'm supposed to be in control of my anger but do you know how pissing off it is to come to a party after a month of grueling essays and not get weed? It was justified.) I went out before I punched some guy who thought it was a good idea to grab my butt as I walked by (so far, once) and felt relieved to feel some air on my face, drying up the sweat that had gathered from the hot, and now that I realise, very claustrophobic room. And I promptly crashed into a guy. That did NOT help with my mood.

"Dude, what the fuck?" I cursed, stumbling back and also trying to escape the overpowering cologne that was clogging my nose. I straightened my dress and looked up with my classic death glare and woohooo.

"Cass?" He asked.

I raised my eyebrows. I didn't see this dude for a whole damned month. Why now?

He cleared his throat, clearly getting my meaning. "Sorry. Cassandra. Hi."

"What part of your eyes are useless that you couldn't see me walking? Also, why the fuck are you here?"

"I was in a hurry, and I didn't see you. Sorry. And I'm here because my friend is here. He basically said he could sneak me in."

"How cute. Well, goodbye."

"You probably know him. Travis Knowle?"

"Look at my face and look for the part where it says I give a fuck."

He raised his hands, though he looked....annoyed? Like he was expecting a warm relationship with me of all people.

Say what you want about me holding grudges but I don't think I can ever get over the fact that he tried to charm Maddie into bed, right after that absolutely wild party of his last year that basically made her a mom.

"You could be nicer, you know."

"Oh, I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings. Well, no offence to you, Knight, but I don't think people are nice to someone who constantly texts them even after they say not to."

He raised his eyebrows. "I didn't-"

"Unless you're one of those people/guys who think they're "nice" and when I don't offer you sex you flip a switch and call me a bitch or whatever. Because I'm not in a mood for that either." I fired off.

"I was going to say that you reply to me and I took that as a sign to continue conversation even after you saying not to but, to clarify, no, I'm not looking for sexual favours, Holden." He sounded pissed. Of course he did. Everyone usually was and it made dealing with things easier. And if I look back at what I said, I sound rather bitchy. But then that is what I am known for as well. Maybe I should apologise.

"Besides, I don't need to go around looking and begging for sex. As you can see, I'm quite gifted in the looks department. I'm sure you heard of me from the beautiful ladies at high school." He smirked.

Yeah, I don't have to apologise.

I rolled my eyes. " Of course I have. It goes something along the lines of, 'Alexander Knight, the best, Grade A fuckboy you'll ever meet'. Or was it man whore?"

Something like anger flashed again in his blue eyes (ugh I am SICK of blue eyes) but I didn't care. Hey, if a girl who likes sleeping around is called a slut, calling a guy who did the same a whore was fair game, right?

Before he could say anything more or react I turned around and started walking away. No point returning to the party now that this ass was here.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"No point going back. You're here."

"Hey, c'mon, don't be like that. I promise I won't interfere. Like, stay away from you at 600 metres or whatever it is that you want. I don't want to be your party pooper."

I probably should have said no.

But I didn't, because:
A) I had found a stoner by then and had taken a joint
B) He was right (gasp!). If anything was to be party pooper, Knight was going to be the last of them.

***
We interfered with each other.

I really didn't want to. Or mean to. But soon I found myself in the group formed by the corner, playing truth or dare, happy and high and satisfied.

Why do I need marriage or a relationship when marijuana does half the job?

I didn't care that Alex Knight was in that same circle, talking to some guy who was probably Travis, all the while flirting with a random brunnete girl. I didn't care that fifteen minutes later he was by my side. Not that he did anything. But he was just there. And I didn't care.

Soon, I was involved the game. It was fun, even if I didn't want to admit it, and the people were OK. The dares were fun and in that haze I was happy that it wasn't a game like Spin the Bottle, not because I didn't know how to make out or anything, but because I wanted minimal human contact. Also, STDs. I don't care if you need to have sex for it but I stop at bodily fluids. Saliva classifies. And plus, I know I'm reckless and wild but making out with random humans? No.

Here you'll say that the real reason I was happy was because I didn't have to kiss Alex. Which was probably true, but it was just one of the many reasons. Besides, I could do without thinking about kissing Knight of all people.

So there we were, playing a game, Alex a few feet from me, when the his turn came and I was the one he was supposed to ask the question to.

If this ass asked me to do something sexual or involving any bodily contact I would castrate him first. Or at least, punch him where it hurts the worst.

Instead, he smirked. "Cassandra. Truth or dare?"

The logical answer would have been choosing truth, but look at my face. I don't do boring. So I went with the obvious.

"Dare." I raised one eyebrow at this, showing how he didn't affect me at all, but nervous, a tiny tinsy bit about what he'd give as a dare.

He grinned and I got Cheshire Cat feelings from him.

"I dare you to make out with Harry's toe." He said grinning.

I gagged. "Hell no. I'm drunk and wasted and high but I haven't lost my brain. No one makes out with any part of Harry. No offence, Harry." Harry was dozing in the corner and only waved his hands around. Yeah. He was...Just there. No need explaining him.

He shrugged, over the chorus of "party pooper" or whatever. "Then your other daring choice...Is to go out on a date with me."

The noise lowered and the circle looked back and forth between Alex and I as I glared at him. Forget making out. This was worse. To go to some place with him, alone, and talk to him. I wanted to throttle the guy. Smart. Either choose to make contact with Harry's disgusting toe (if there's one thing I've learnt in my almost two months here, it is this indisputable fact) or choose to go on a date with him. Which, if I thought about, wouldn't be that bad. I mean, we could just order food and eat and then go our separate ways. Done.

So I smirked and nodded. His eyes lighted with surprise and something like... excitement. Like he'd finally managed to accomplish something.

He was mistaken if he thought I was some prey and I was some next candidate on his to be slept with list. I sure as hell would make sure I would never get into bed with him, of all people. And yes, of course I'd heard how phenomenal he was. But I had my limits. It wasn't like I'd started hating Alex Knight ever since his move with Maddie.

I'd hated him for a long, long time. If hate was too strong a word, we can go with strongly dislike.

After that my happy mood was done. I gestured to him to text me the details on phone (he probably just wanted to text me again) and then I left. I heard a loud "Hey, Holden, wait up!" But I ignored it.

This shitty party was stupid and I was just going to go back to my dorm, complete an essay and get judged by goody two shoes Regan (I think. I really needed to confirm that name). That's how my life should be from now on, right?

But in the back of my mind, I wondered if the real reason I agreed to the date was simply the better of two bad choices, or that I was genuinely bored with the conventional setting of college that was turning troublesome for me to adjust to after a life or troubles.

I denied the thought and walked back to the dorm.

****
*Present day*

And so here I was, on a date with him.

Him eating MY cookies and drinking MY milkshake.

It was a wonder he was still alive. I was surprised I hadn't said a word yet.

Was I losing my mojo?

"Here I was thinking you'd killed me twice already for stealing your milkshake." He smirked.

Fucker. He did it on purpose. Maybe this whole thing was done on purpose, for what, I don't know, but it was grating on my nerves.

And yet, I didn't care. Or react. Because this was one of the most interesting things that happened to me ever since I joined college. I know. Extremely pathetic.

But hey, if it meant one night free of Regan's (yes, that was her name!) evil warding off gestures, I'd take this gladly.

I rolled my eyes. "What do you want, Knight? Really? I agreed to your stupid dare. So here I am. Get this over with and then I don't have to see your yellow head ever again."

"You're forgetting the fact that I'm just as welcome at Maddie's place as you are. I'm pretty sure you kinda have to see me."

"I meant, obviously, apart from inevitable situations, fucktard. Do you have to be so stupid?"

Again, that pissed off look that I remembered from the night of the dare came into his eyes again. You can't blame me, honestly, if some people are stubbornly unreceptive to extremely clear messages. I was having a terrible headache and I wanted nothing more than to just go back to my dorm and sleep for a fortnight.

"Here's the thing, Holden. It's a date, which means we do date stuff like, I don't know, talk in a normal way, which, if I think about, might be a foreign, unheard gesture for you. You've done nothing but snap unnecessarily. I know I'm not your favourite human, but could you at least try to be civil, just for the heck of it?"

Upon hearing this, I immediately felt bad. Yeah, I do feel occasionally remorseful. I mean, he kinda had a point. I could make things easier by talking about normal stuff and getting over with all this faster. Sure, I had my past experiences with this guy but...Maybe for the sake of fakeness, I could pull this off.

"Right. I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." I said, looking up to meet his eyes. Blue, like mine, but now that I notice, not really. If I wasn't mistaken, they had a little bit of green mixed in them, which could be easily missed if one wasn't paying attention. Before I creeped him out, however, I looked away, taking another spoon and grudgingly sharing the sundae (I was hungry. I had the munchies. Sue me).

"So what do you want to know?" I asked. The Sundae was goooooood.

"Um. I don't know." He frowned and then chuckled. Was this guy always in a happy mood or something? I hope he didn't keep that act for long, because I was allergic to optimism. "Wow. You'd think I'd give a whole speech of being civil and then have some topic to converse upon after that." He shrugged then said, "Tell me why you agreed to come."

"Because the alternative was sucking Harry's toe, which is so unthinkable I'm already throwing up in my mind. How do you even know how disgusting Harry is?"

"Um, I didn't. I would think sucking anyone's toe would be disgusting and it would be common sense to refuse."

I stopped eating. "You mean to say you happened to pick up Harry's name on a whim without knowing anything about him?"

He grinned. "I imagine if I had mentioned someone else's toe you would have got down to business. My luck must have been running high that night." He chuckled as I glared at him, imagining 30 different ways I could kill him with this spoon I was holding.

"I hate you. I really, really hate you and your smug ass." I seethed, slamming the spoon into the ice cream with twice the force. Anger always made me hungrier. I really shouldn't have smoked up before coming here, but I guess I wanted to "relax" myself. And now I was having the munchies AND I was angry. Great.

"Cmon, it isn't that bad. And is Harry's toe the only thing that made you agree upon this thing?"

My expression didn't show it because I'm an amazing actress but I was surprised he caught on so fast.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, sure, the toe was disgusting but that couldn't have been the only thing that made you agree to go on this date. You're not the kind to care if people call you party pooper for not agreeing to a dare. So why?"

His expression, on the other hand, was open and- for the first time- serious. Like he really wanted an honest answer.

I could have lied. I was good at it. But for the first time in MY life, I didn't want to.

"Because I was bored." I said quietly.

"What?"

"I was bored." I said louder, squaring my shoulders and meeting his eyes. Really, peculiar colour. It's rare I'd call someone else's eyes peculiar since mine are in the weirder range of blue, but it really was. Once I noticed how weird they were, I wouldn't just say they were 'just blue'. "I'm bored in this conventional set up that's college. I don't do good student. I don't do extra curriculars and caring about grades or what kind of roommates I have. Heck, until last week I wasn't even sure what my roommate's name was. It's exhausting, keeping up with...This image. I wanted to do something else."

"So...You don't have to care about all those things."

"No, but that's the thing. A part of me wants that. A normal life. I want to die under all the essays I have. I want to join a club, something. But the other part, the one that's been me for so long, doesn't want that. What do you do when a major chunk of you doesn't want to come back from the periphery of society and lead a somewhat normal life?"

You're going to ask me, What the fuck, Cass. Why would you tell this to a person you didn't even know or care to know until two months ago?

And I'm going to tell you, I don't fucking know.

I don't know why I told Alex Knight of all people, when I should have told these feelings to Maddie, who's had to be my oldest friend ever. And yet, she was busy now, a busy mom, a student AND in love; she oozed hectic. And I didn't want to burden her with my bratty little insignificant problem.

Maybe that's why I told Alex. I didn't know why I would do it otherwise.

I was expecting him to say something like "it's normal" and "you'll get used to it" but he took me by surprise. Again.

"Why can't you be both?" He asked instead.

It took me two minutes to process this.

"Um, what?" My processing was slow.

"There's no rule that you have to be either bad girl or good girl. You can be anything. You can die under all those essays and you can smoke and drink and hook up or whatever. Last I knew, you need your brain for studying. Nothing else."

When I heard this, I, for the first time, felt really stupid. And by someone who was blond.

(Yes I know it's a wrong stereotype and I would have paid with my life if I'd said it in front of Maddie or something but cut me some slack, please?)

He was technically right. Scratch that, he was right. (You have no idea how much it hurts to admit this). All my life I'd thought that you had to be one thing or the other...But never that I could have been both. That I could be 'scary' and still keep up with my grades in high school; that I didn't because all along I thought it would totally kill my 'image'.

Damn it, I was such a slave to society, more than I thought. Come to think of it, it's probably why Colton got into one of the top universities with Maddie. He probably studied on the side but never showed it.

What a smart dude. I felt like a dud, officially.

I must have been showing my disappointment in myself quite loudly on my face because the next thing I knew, Alex was patting my hand.

And I didn't mind. At all. Which was weird, because I killed people who touched me without asking.

What the fuck was happening to me?

*****

Hello!

This is the first chapter of AKIPSA. I'm really curious to divulge into Cass' mind and see, think and feel the way she does. Like I said in the summary, there are some parts of her that I compare to myself and then there are those that sound stereotypical in nature. It's a mixture of both but I'm looking forward to it!

Thoughts on the chapter title? It's obviously a pun, haha, with the bite that's usually in Cass' thoughts or speech that you'll get used to if you continue reading :P

If the Cass annoyed you, I'd apologise for it, but that's how she's supposed to be. Assumptive, bitter, defensive and a little angry all the time. It's how she's grown up and part of the reason I wanted to write this was to show my own experiences of transforming from an always angry kid to somewhat more stable. I hope to use my insight as a psych student to paint her personality appropriately and bring out the changes I hope to see in her. So do bear with this bad girl :3

If there are things in this that you don't understand because you haven't read TBBB, do comment or DM it. But continuing the summary here, keep in mind some facts:

- Cass' best friend is Maddie. She was the MC in TBBB. She's known Maddie since freshman year of high school.

- Alex is one of the popular guys from their school. In TBBB in one of the sequences he tries to flirt with Maddie despite her obvious no, and it's in his party that she ends up pregnant (no he's not the father). Irrationally, Cass blames his party for making her friend a young teenage mom.

-Colton is the father. Cass doesn't like him either (shown in TBBB) and the reason why will be explained in this story/spin off. 

-Maddie and Colton will be mentioned/make appearances in this story. If you want to be up to date with them, read TBBB. Else if you are confused, ask. I always reply :)

Well, that's all! I hope you do give this a chance and read it! Lastly, please vote if you do like it! 

Thanks

Cherie, XOXO