Begin Again

Chapter 4

I miss her everyday. It's all my fault. If I didn't go to that party, she wouldn't be dead. I would still be friends with Joe. It's all what ifs and it's all my fault.

"It's all my fault!" I scream, throwing my pillow across the room.

I fall down on my knees and start crying for what seems like the millionth time that day.

I hear footsteps thumping up the stairs and my bedroom door flies open revealing my dad.

"Oh sweetie," he whispers.

He comes over and pulls me into a hug. I don't object - even though we are fighting. He whispers soothing things in my ear and holds me until I stop crying.

"I think it's time we talk," he says, holding me at arm length, so he can see my face.

"You're going into depression again," he sighs. "Do you think you should see a therapist?"

"Dad! You throw all my problems into other people's hands. You never treat me like a daughter! You block me out. You're just ashamed to call me your daughter. When mum died you blocked me out for 5 months. 5 fucking months! Do you know how much that hurt me? It hurt me so much," my voice breaks at the end and I run out of the house and down to the beach, running the other direction from the pier. I really can't deal with people right now.

I find a quiet spot, the only sounds of nature surrounding me. I sit on the ground, pulling my legs up and resting my chin on them.

Silent tears fall down my face, as I stare out to the ocean, watching the waves crash on the shore. A million thoughts run through my head at a hundred miles per hour.

What if I ran away? Would it make everyone's life better? Would everyone be happy if I just disappeared? What if I ju-

"Woah, are you okay?" the familair voice of Joe's fills my ears, snapping me out of my thoughts. Speaking of the devil.

I wipe the tears away from my eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He comes over and takes a seat next to me. "You don't look fine."

"I'm fine okay?" I snap at him. Instantly I feel guilty. "Sorry, it's just been a rough day."

"It's alright. We all have those days. So, care to tell me why your in the quiet area of the beach crying?" he wonders.

"Long story. Why are you here?"

"It helps me clear my mind of all the things that have happened in my life, over the past years. Especially what happened four years ago."

The car crash, my mother dying.

I eyes begin to water as more memories surface from the crash.

"I've got to get home," I rush out quickly, running away.

"Wait!" he calls after me.

I stop running and turn around to face him. "Give me your number," he says. "So we can talk."

I raise my eyesbrows at him. "Don't you have a girlfriend?"

"Not like that," he chuckles. "We both seem to be going through alot right now. Maybe we could talk about our problems or just hang out."

A ghost of a smile appears on my lips. "Sure."

I type my number in his phone before running home with a small smile on my face. My smile instantly falters as I see the police cars surrounding my house.

I walk inside only to be greeted by hugs.

"Savannah!" Melissa cried. "We were so worried! Where have you been?"