Through Another's Eyes

11;

Phil's POV;

I woke up to the sound of loud knocking, I shuffle around in my bed before finally standing up,

Wait, this feels familiar, I look down, IM ME AGAIN.

Gosh it feels so good to be back,

The knocking intensifies, I run over to open it, it's Becca, also reunited with her body,

"Visiting time started few hours ago, just thought I'd tell you," she states, I nodded then ran back in to wear my shoes and we headed out,

As we're walking, I started sensing that it's a bit awkward, Becca is attempting to tell me something but she never could get it out.

"M-Maybe, I should get, um, going now" she nervously says.

"Okay," I reply,

"I'm truly sorry Phil, I never meant for any of this to happen," she says teary eyed,

"I know,"

"Okay, goodbye, then," she says walking back slightly,

I just waved, turned, and kept walking.

All that matters now is Dan.

I walk and walk, until I finally get to the floor he's in, I got out of the elevator and all I saw was a bunch of nurses just sprinting,

When I saw where they were going my heart dropped, it's Dan.

The last one walked into his room and closed the door before I could ask or even see what was going on.

"Hey! HEY! Let me in!" I shout banging on the door, I start majorly panicking. Everyone was staring at me.

What the hell was happening? My breath starts getting heavier and heavier, I can feel a panic attack kicking in.

I saw a random nurse and I stopped him at his tracks,

"Excuse me, please, I-I need you to tell me what the hell is happening in there," I say trying to catch my breath,

"Sorry, mate, can't know for sure, you'll have to wait until they're finished," he replies.

"Please. Please, help me," I say desperately.

"I'm sorry I'm really in a hurry I gotta go," he says walking around me,

I start wheezing at that point,

There's a feeling, in the very bottom of my heart, telling me that Dan wasn't okay,

I'm trying with all the power in me to ignore that feeling, or tell myself that he's going to be okay,

I even started saying it out loud as I rested against a wall while trying to control my breathing,

"He's okay, he's okay, he's okay," I whispered,

My gut was telling me I was wrong,

"He's okay, he's okay, he's okay, he's oka-"

The door of Dan's room opening immediately stops me,

I look up, I look at the doctor, with hope, whatever little I have left,

He looks devastated, he dreads talking to me,

"H-He went into cardiac arrest, the medication didn't work, we- we couldn't save him, I'm sorry-" that's all I heard before everything started sounding like a blur,

"he's okay.. he's okay.. he's okay.. he's okay," I covered my ears, turned my back to the doctor, and faced the wall,

"He's okay.. he's okay.. he's okay..he's-" I kept repeating.

I could feel the doctor's hand on my shoulder, saying something that sounds like, "we're terribly sorry for your loss,"

I could hear him walking away,

"He's okay, Dan's okay, Dan's okay, he's oka-"

"Time of death: 12:39pm" I heard from the room,

"He's .... d-dead," I fell to my knees, I started crying hysterically, there was such an intense physical pain going through my whole body,

I couldn't breathe, I didn't want to breathe,

My head felt like it was about to explode,

I felt a hand on my shoulder. A nurse was asking if I wanted to say goodbye, which made me cry even harder,

This wasn't supposed to fucking happen, IM NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY GOODBYE NOW,

"Sir, now is your last chance, we'll be taking him to the morgue pretty soon," she says.

She helps me up, I start walking in,

All the wires and tubes from laat night, were gone, it was just him, laying there.

"Oh, god," I sobbed, I never wanted to see this,

I forced my weak legs to walk, I pulled up a chair and grabbed his hand and sat next to him,

"Take as much time as you need," the nurse closes the door,

"Fuck," I cried squeezing his hand,

"I never got a chance to say this, but im doing it now," I tell him, kissing his hand,

"You are the light of my life, you make me so happy, since the moment we met," I started saying the proposal speech I'd prepared but I cried after every word.

"even when we were friends, you'd always be the only person I could feel safe with, you made me feel special, you made me feel loved" I stopped to cry again, I moved strands of his hair away and I cupped his face,

"you stod by me through everything, and sure we've had our rough patches but we always got through them together, I want that to be forever. I want you to be here for me forever, and I want to be here for you forever" my heart would literally ache after every word, but I need to say this.

"I love you, so so much. You are the only reason I'm me. You make me who I am, you remind me of who I am. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you," I layed my head down on his chest,

"will you marry me, Daniel James Howell?" I sobbed, his chest was cold, I couldn't hear his soft little breaths, I couldn't hear his heartbeat,

I heard nothing, nothing at all.

"Please. God dammit, please come back to me, I can't do this, I-I cant," I held him,

"Hold me back, say you love me, just one more time, one last time, I need to hear it, please,"

I cried, I cried so much, this is all my fault.