The Art of Holding On (Book 3)

Voice008.mp4

i track the tag #TAoHO

//

The way the world works can be described as translucent. It gives you an unclear idea of what actually is stored for you in the following days, weeks, or years, if your lifespan is longer. Sometimes hints are given, but they are never certain enough for you to find out.

I could never figure out the way my mind is wired.

We all went out together for a late lunch, around four in the afternoon. It is actually awkward, you see, because I expected to see myself walking behind these two lovely birds with my head low, unable to stare at them or else my heart would shatter. Cass, being the usual goddess that she is, held my hand and both of us walked ahead of Alden. 

It was an unusual sight.

Alam mo ba, Maine. She blurts out. I got excited when Alden told me that you were a writer. Hindi ko lang sinabi nu'ng first meeting natin kasi medyo nakakahiya. Para kasing we share something. We both express ourselves through a form of art.

Yeah. I try to answer back as cheerful as I could. I should engage myself in this conversation, anyway. There's this particular corner that I liked.

Alin du'n?

Those paintings. Of young girls. 'Yung hindi kita 'yung mukha nila? Because they were holding huge flower bouquets. And you painted all upper body parts clearly. The body, the hands, the hair... but only a part of their face was shown.

Her mood lifts up, and she excitedly talks about how those three paintings are her favorites as well. I expressed myself and what we do in those, 'di ba? She giggles like a kid and claps like an innocent girl. Like... the whole world could see us and criticize our art. Some may hate us too much for the kind of art we produce, and even judge us as a person. Ah ganito 'yung mga paintings nya, too dark, baka may pinagdadaanan, too light, maybe this person never experienced the harshness of this cruel world, ganyan. But a piece of art doesn't entirely define me. Or us.

Yes. I nod. Like we break ourselves into different pieces and those can be found in each kind of art we produce.

She smiles at me again, but I feel a stab on my chest instead of receiving that warm feeling she gives.

Yes! Exactly! I'm sorry for the words kanina, Maine. You know what I'm talking about. We'd talk soon why... I said those words. I'm really, really sorry. I'd apologize better next time. I may have judged you agad-agad. Nakakahiya ako. As I was saying...

Cass continues to talk about her art and why she paints that way, but my attention isn't on her face and on her words anymore. Being the gifted human being I am, my focus shifts to Alden.

He is staring at her fondly.

Cass laughs again, and I don't know why, but I smile in response just to be sure. She covers her mouth shyly and catches Alden watching, and she softly taps his left arm in embarrassment. I could easily turn a blind eye on the diamond ring she's wearing, just like I did a few weeks ago with  Alden's, but I could not ignore the way he stares at her.

He stares at her like her eyes are glistening raindrops, like her lips curve the way the moon smiles mysteriously at night. He gawks at her like her cheeks form glowing constellations, and he laughs at her as well, like her face alone defines the entire universe to him.

He used to look at me that way.

I force a laugh with them, but he barely notices my sullen look. They are both in a trance - a spell, which I can foolishly call love. I should know. I've been there. It's like she had him trapped in her fragrance that makes him forget that I am still sitting across them, my right hand clenching the ends of my dress, careful not to shed a tear because my dignity is all that I have.