The Art of Holding On (Book 3)

Voice010.mp4

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I tend to make my goodbyes... dramatic. Far too dramatic for one's taste, I suppose, because ends are filled with beautiful flaws but they tell everything you need to know. The ends of human hair, the ends of furniture, the ends of films, the ends of theatrical performances, the ends of paper, the ends of a story of two people loving each other under the confused moonlight because it is almost sunrise.

Those six months of stolen moments and kisses easily came to an end, and it is beautiful, I still say.

Ano ako sa'yo? He asks. Am I still the moon to you?

I look up, and I search for the moon. The borrowed light from the sun it gives is slowly fading, and I shake my head.

No.

You are the sun in my midnight.

He smiles at me as he grips my hand tight.

Tapos na 'yung story nina Andre at Salen.

Oo nga. 

There is silence. I gather my courage.

Tayo ba?

Anong tayo?

Tapos na rin?

Depende sa'yo.

Bakit ako?

Kasi hindi mo na ako kailangang tanungin.

I feel my heart bursting, in happiness, in sadness, or in both, I do not know, because for the nth time, I know I'll still say yes.

Ako rin.

He laughs. Eh bakit ka pa nagtanong?

I shrug. 

Naninigurado lang.

Bakit?

Natatakot kasi ako.

Wala namang walang kinatatakutan.

Hindi ba sya nakakahalata?

Anong mahahalata?

Na may mahal kang iba.

Hindi ko alam.

He looks away.

Ayokong malaman.

Ayaw mo syang masaktan?

Sino bang may gustong masaktan ang nanay ng anak nila?

I see an imaginary pinch of regret in his eyes.

Pinagsisisihan mo ba 'ko?

Hindi. He turns to me. Never kitang pinagsisihan, Maine.

Kahit ngayon ako bumalik?

Kahit kailan ka pa bumalik.

You'd take me everytime?

I don't know. He laughs bitterly. Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit ako ganito. Kung bakit mali naman talaga 'to pero kapag lumalapit ka, kahit wala ka pang sinasabi, alam kong kailangan mo ako.

And I make myself available every time.

I stare at him.

Pero may uuwian ka.

When everything else fails, Cass will take you.

He sighs.

Hindi rin natin alam 'yan. She's my wife and I know everything about her but not this time, Maine. Not when I'm doing something like this. Sumusugal lang din ako para mahawakan lang ang kamay mo, Maine.

Baka sa dulo tayo lang din ang umuwi sa isa't-isa kasi wala nang handang kumuha sa atin.

Paano tayo magkikita?

May post-prod process pa naman. May screening. Marami akong pwedeng gamiting excuses.

I hold my breath.

Pero paano kung mangyari nga?

Na ano?

Na talikuran tayo ng mundo sa ginagawa natin.

He smiles, kisses me briefly on my forehead, and steals the breath I am holding.

E 'di gagawa tayo ng atin.

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