Hopeless || m.yg

[Intro]

"People go
but how
they left
always stays."
--Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey

>>>+<<<

Why is it every time I think of him I feel a sudden burst of happiness? 

I guess it's like that for all fans and their bias... 

I guess I'm no different than all the fangirls...

Though I know I am.

I used to date him...

And I still love him, though he's shattered my heart to millions of pieces countless times...

I see him at every concert...

He claims he doesn't remember me...

I'm just one of the countless girls he sees in the crowd...

Why do I still feel this way for him?

It's been years.

Three to be exact...

We dated for four years, starting in high school...

He was a senior and I was a junior...

We were together for years...

Then Big Hit came along...

He changed toward me...

Never made time for me, nor showed an effort...

I made an effort...

He got wrapped up in his work and started to ignore me...

I always listened to him when he was talking to me...

He was focused on music, and, well, he still is...

I let him show me the songs he wrote every time he asked...

He always has been really into his music, but it got worse...

I regret being numb after the break up.

No one knows how much I cried that day...

He walked up to me with pain in his eyes and his lips in a tight line. We hadn't talked all day, I was so happy to see my love again. He was working since morning before I woke. I was saddened to not be able to wake up next to my boyfriend of four years. We've been living together since high school was out and he would always wait for me to wake up. I checked my phone when I woke and saw no texts, so I messaged him a good morning. 

He asked me to meet him at work at four so we could talk. Odd of him to not just wait for me so we could talk, but I didn't care. He's my love. I'd go all day without talking to him any time if I could see his face next to mine as I fall asleep. He's the one who would wipe my tears from my eyes when I cried; pulled me into his warm embrace as I cried myself to sleep. When another guy would look at me in admiration, he'd pull me into him and kiss me like it's the last time our lips would ever meet. 

I'd hug him every morning and breathe in his scent, trying to capture it, for if the day ever came where we'd part ways, I'd want to remember at least this detail.

I walked up to him with a huge smile on my face, his expression unchanging. I gave him a confused look and lightly shoved his shoulder, giving him a playful smile.