Hopeless || m.yg

Seven

**Long pre-chapter quote ahead**

"I want you to tell me about every person you've ever been in love with. Tell me why you loved them and tell me why they loved you. Tell me about a day in your life you didn't think you'd live through. Tell me what the word 'home' means to you and tell me in a way that I'll know your mother's name just by the way you describe your bedroom when you were eight. See, I wanna know the first time you felt the weight of hate and if that day still trembles beneath your bones. Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain or bounce in the bellies of snow? And if you were to build a snowman, would you rip two branches from a tree to build your snowman arms? Or would you leave the snowman armless for the sake of being harmless to the tree? And if you would, would you notice how the tree weeps for you because your snowman has no arms to hug you every time you kiss him on the cheek? Do you kiss your friends on the cheek? Do you sleep beside them when they're sad, even if it makes your lover mad? Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain? See, I wanna know what you think of your first name. And if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother's joy when she spoke it for the very first time. I want you to tell me all the ways you've been unkind. Tell me all the ways you've been cruel. See, I wanna know more than what you do for a living. I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving. And if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes. I wanna know if you bleed sometimes through other people's wounds."
--Andrea Gibson

>>>+<<<

After Jimin kissed me, it really set in that I only think of him as a friend. It almost physically pained me when he did, but I couldn't say that. I felt like I couldn't move. I wanted to cry. It's just... not the same.

I swing the front door open and I'm immediately taken aback. I'm met with a disheveled looking Yoongi. His eyes are a little swollen, slightly red, and downcast. 

"Yoongi?" I say gently. His head shoots up to look at me, eyes wider than usual. He starts fidgeting with his thumbs and his eyes dart around uncertainly. 

"I-I shouldn't have come here," he says, starting to back away. "I'm s-sorry."

"No, no," I say, shaking my head. I give a small wave of my hand as a dismissal. "It's fine, don't worry about it. Are you okay? Come inside."

He hesitates for a second before nodding and following me inside. He hasn't been here since he left three years ago and I can tell he's taking in all the changes. 

It looks like he's been having one of his worse days. I feel bad, but he can't come to me after every bad day. I have to move on sooner or later, one way or another. The more he comes to me, the harder it is for me to move on. Granted, I'm not really moving on anyway, but I'd like to think it's a process; that I'm further than I was. Even so, I know I'm not. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on completely. The man standing in front of me at this moment, Min Yoongi, has been my first love and I will never get that piece of my heart back. He will always have my heart to toy around with no matter who I or he has moved on to. I will always love Min Yoongi and it just hurts that he won't feel the same...

"I'm sorry," he says, breaking the silence that has been hanging in the air for the past few minutes. I blink my eyes back into focus to find him looking at me--or rather, above me as a means of avoiding eye contact. 

"What?" His head snaps up and he looks me in the eye. For the first time since he's been here, he looks me directly in the eyes. I can see just how tired he is, probably from not sleeping for who knows how long. My heart clenches at the sight, so I glance toward the couch before looking back at him. "Hey, let's go sit down."