The Definition of Infinite

Mae

My footsteps feel lighter as I walk home from Juno's that evening, there's more bounce to my step. I hadn't planned on telling Nina what really happened, I was surprised at how easy it seemed to be, to slip back into the comfort of our old friendship. I suppose that's what a true friend is. Someone who just seems to fit you perfectly, that you fall into place with, like perfectly matched pieces of a jig saw.

In a way I think my conversation with Nina grounded me to some extent, I've been cautious in coming to Bridgewood, No one at my old school even knows where I went, not even the girls I considered my friends, however that always seemed as though we were friends for the wrong reasons, we took the same classes and gossiped at lunch, we never talked about real stuff though, never about things that actually matter. They never even knew about Him. I wouldn't be comfortable tell in them either.

My house isn't too far from Juno's, it used to belong to my grandmother who passed away two years ago. It's a decent sized, much too big for her anyway. My mother sold our old house in Bridgewood shortly after I left for boarding school so that she could go travelling like she always wanted to. When my grandmother got sick so Mom came back to take care of her, she nursed her until she died and she inherited the house, she's been living here since.

My favourite thing about this house is its privacy, although it's barely outside the town it's completely sealed off by densely packed towering pine trees, the isolation of the house which I used to find unsettling I now find comforting.

As I begin walking up the driveway I notice my Mothers Mercedes is parked around the side. My mother is unemployed, a fact from which you would assume means she spends most of her time around the house. That's never been Moms style, for the past few years she's been living off the money she made from selling our old house and her lofty inheritance. She spends most of her days pampering herself, or taking weird classes about things I can't pronounce, so seeing her home on a week day evening is quiet a shock.

When I step through the front door, the first thing that hits me is the smell. Shortly there after the smoke alarm start singing in the kitchen.

I roll my eyes, my mother has never been a very gifted chef, a fact that never seems to hold her back from trying.

I push through the smoke that has started to gather around my head to the kitchen, and there standing under the smoke alarm is mom, tea towel in hand, flailing her arms wildly at the insisted whistle of the alarm.

She smiles, looking guilty when she sees me. "How was your fist day back?"
She asks, not stopping her ridiculous waving.

"Alright" I say half heartedly.

She's not listening anyway, too transfixed on pushing the smoke away from the alarm. Finally the alarm stops ringing and she turns to face me.

"I really did try to make your favourite for dinner" she glances over at the blackened, uh, Lasagne?
"Want to order pizza?"

"I really don't mind mum" I'm too tired to care.

The past few weeks have been a nightmare. I'm constantly on edge and rarely get a full nights sleep. I'm woken be the tiniest noise in the night, with my heart racing and tears in my eyes. I've come to dread night time.

Mum reaches for the phone, she has the pizza place on speed dial so it doesn't take long before she's rhyming off her usual order.

I turn and make my way to the stairs, I should probably start on my homework anyways.

My room. Is alarmingly bare for a 17 year old girl. I haven't felt like decorating since I got here. The walls are a generic cream colour that people use when they don't know what else to put on walls. My furniture consists of a decently sized fitted wardrobe and a double bed.
I haven't even put curtains on the curtain pole yet.

I through my bag on the floor and flip down on my bed.

I've made a habit of never turning the light on in my room, so the only light is the slowly fading glow of the mid spring sunset.

I lay there for about a minute when mom shyly opens my door. She tiptoes towards the bed, as if I'm an animal she's scare she might scare away.

"How did it really go today" she asks in a gentle voice.

"Fine" I say bluntly.

"You know you can talk to me"

"Mom I'm tired can you please just leave me alone?!" My voice comes out harsher than I mean it to and I see her flinch in my peripheral vision.

She gets up and walks to the door but hesitates before she opens it.

"This isn't exactly easy for me either Mae" she says, firmer now. " it's been two weeks already and you haven't spoken more then three words to me since."

How can she say that, hard on her? REALLY? I don't want to argue back with her, that's what she wants, so I just turn and stare at her blankly.

She throws up her arms, "Fine, don't talk to me Mae, just sit there and waste your life, I've tried to reach out but you just push me away so I'm done trying" she spins around and slams the door after her.

I wait for her footsteps disappear down the hall before allowing the tear to spill over my cheeks. Mom had tried before to get me to see a therapist, I went to one session before realising it's useless. No one understands what it's like, and it's incredibly hard to talk about it in the first place so I just stopped trying to talk it out.

**************************************************************************************************************

A/N

Hey readers!
Sorry this chapter took so long I've been really busy lately.

Plus I've been trying to figure out where to go from here. I have a story line in mind for how it ends but the in between parts is what I'm struggling with.

I should be posting more often now though so stay with me.

Anyway if you liked the chapter do the usual vote comment and follow me if you want.

Xxx - Callie