All that remains from that tragic day is a memory from a child's perspective,
And a fight that left my mum crying on the bed,
And me in the car,
Driving away with my father,
I should have never chose him,
Because if I didn't,
I wouldn't be this depressed,
I wouldn't be so scarred,
And I wouldn't be so foolish to believe in true love still,
The 'what if?' Statement comes into play every second I think about my life,
The what ifs are engraved in my brain,
'What if I stayed?'
'What if I said things differently?'
'What if I was given a choice?'
And the most important of all,
'What if I wasn't me?'
These things all come to my mind when I am most depressed,
I try to hide it,
But I feel guilt,
Cowardliness,
Self-effacement,
Isolation,
And
Failure when I think of my life,
No one has ever heard this,
But at least I can get it out now,
Like anybody would listen anyway...
Some people makes a decision in life that changes them forever,
And look what happened to me,
I am a depression gaining teen that is so anti-social in school that the teachers have to squeeze the answers out of me,
Because they know I know the answers...
I am a person,
Yet I feel like an animal when I look back at what I didn't do that night,
And what could have changed because of it,
But I am here,
7 years later,
Fake smiling and laughing,
Just to make it through another day filled with joyous pain,
And lay in bed at the end of it all and cry myself to sleep,
Just like the guilt ridden person I have come to be...
And I will tell you this,
I have never been so self conscious about anything else in my entire life than what had happened that night,
And I know nothing will top that...
-S.K.M-
