Fantasizing

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

3 weeks later ...

Zen P.O.V

I've finally saved enough money to visit Tommy and my grandmother, and I couldn't be more ecstatic to get the fuck out of Chicago. Ever since I heard the news of Tommy moving I've been saving enough to go buy a plane ticket and visit for a much needed vacation. I miss them both so much, and it'll be good for me to get away for a while anyway. I feel like I needed this, physically and emotionally.

These last three weeks I've been calming myself down and getting my thoughts together. After I spent the night at the hotel I decided to get my ass up and go to school, since I haden't been in lord knows how long.

Even though I missed the first hour of it It was still good that I went. I've just been focusing more on my grades since they plummeted. It was horrible and a lot of hard work, but after all the hard work my grades are steady and where I need them to be.

I haven't spoken to Carmen at all. I haven't even really seen her around and when I do she's up under some nigga, being the hoe that I never thought she was. Usually I just shrug it off and mind my own business.

As for Ian, I've been ignoring his calls and deleting his texts for the last two weeks. The first week we didn't speak, and he didn't contact me much. I'm guessing because he was trying to give me space, much needed space. I just can't even look at him since what happened. I mean I trusted him and I always thought it was cause of me that we weren't together, but it was because he was seeing someone else, someone that I was close with at that.

I just didn't know exactly how to feel. It was so hard to even think about it without crying or getting angry, so I just avoided it at all costs.

I continued to fold my clothes and place them into my suitcase as I listened to a song that played on the radio. I bobbed my head to the beat and mouthed the words as if I was on stage. My phone vibrated on the bed interrupting me, and signaling I had an incoming call.

I picked it up seeing that it was Ian, and quickly ignored again without thinking twice . It was becoming easier to decline the calls after so many times.

I heard a knock at the front door and had no idea who it could be. I quickly made my way to the door and didn't even bother looking in the peep hole. The only person it could possibly even be was somebody in the neighborhood or a bill collector.

I quickly opened the door coming face to face with Ian. Our eyes locked on each others for a split second before I averted my gaze and looked down to the floor. My first thought was to slam the door in his face, but I couldn't bring myself to do that.

He looked horrible. There were heavy bags under his eyes, his once neat and kempt hair was now nappy, and tangled. He wore a plain white T, worn out sweat pants, socks and black Jordan sandals.

I've never seen him this way, and didn't like it. The better part of me longed to pull him into a tight bear hug, but the still angry part of me wanted him to suffer terribly.

"What do you want?" I finally asked after taking in his full appearance. He sighed long and hard. I didn't know his full intentions, but any intentions he had I didn't want any part in it. "Zen I just want to talk please?" he pleaded. I could see the venerability in his eyes and he seemed to be one hundred percent sincere.

"Talk"

he sighed and then begin speaking. "I just can't lose you Zen, I don't give a fuck about that bitch, or no other bitch. I promise it was always you I wanted, from the first time I layed my eyes on you. I fucked up, and I know I said that, but I mean it. I will do anything to make it up to you. I love you" he ended.