CALLA

2: Again at 14 Years Old

       

"Distinguished guests, I would like to welcome you Rose and Eli"

In the enormous ballroom in the city's grandest hotel stood a beautiful young teenage couple. There were hundreds of people from the high society present to witness the engagement announcement between two of the most powerful and wealthy families in the Western World – Lind and Frye.

With wide eyes, I stood frozen with shock at the familiar scene. Like before, I was standing in the far corner of the ballroom staring at Rose. Rose - my gorgeous older sister with her naturally jet black curls, sky blue eyes, white clear skin and ruby lips. Standing tall and beautiful beside Rose was Eli Frye with his usual unreadable stoic, cold expression.

In a daze, I stood in the corner listening to all the similar praises from the people around me about the perfect young couple. Unable to believe in what I'm seeing and hearing, I pinched my arm hard and flinched when the sharp pain went straight to my head. Turning, I look at my reflection in the curtain wall - stunned when what I saw was my former 14 years old self.

                I was brought back 6 years prior to my suicide. I was brought back on the day Rose and Eli got engaged. Turning back to watch the couple, I saw how our parents surround them with smiles and laughter. Seeing the same scene, I placed a hand over my racing heart and slowly calm it.

Learn to let go.

Her voice echoed faintly in my soul. Even though I am back to my former 14 years old self, I am not the same little girl. Standing here now and reliving this moment, I no longer feel anger or jealousy toward my sister. I've wasted so many years in turmoil over someone else life and how others think of me. Instead of working toward my own happiness, all I did was try to take my sister's.

There are more to life and I want to find out the possibilities in mine. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of me. It doesn't matter that if no one loves or sees me. I will not walk behind my sister shadows. I will not chase desperately after anyone or anything. From now on, I will grow stronger - live stronger. I will live doing what I want and find my own happiness.