avneil ff:kyun main jaagoon

Avni's emotions

This is my first ff, hope you like it.
The lines in black colour are for what Avni is thinking and speaking, " " colour ones are for song and ' '  is for what author is saying or describing. () for translation.

What happened (in short)

Avni was being defamed by her own family... which she thought was her own but the reality show a different view. Totally opposite too what she has thought. She went through the same turmoil which she has undergone in the childhood.
The story starts At the time when she was about to step out of the house.

Avni's POV
I have to do this. What I am doing is right. I have to leave this house, this family and Neel.

'As soon as she thought about Neel a tear feel off her eye. With the swing of her hand she wipes off the tear and steps out of the house. She for the last time saw the house and her papa and bid him goodbye with a beautiful big smile, the biggest smile she could manage to put on her face while the tears kept on escaping her eyes. She turns away and continues to walk.'

Why I am feeling so bad why? Like what is happening is wrong like I am doing wrong. Why my heart is beating abnormally. Like something is missing. What's happening with me, and why don't you stop she asks the tears.

'Outside the house a cab was waiting for her. She sat in it and instructed the driver to pull off to a hotel.  The cab's tire shrieked as the car comes to halt leaving Avni to come back from the thought world. She paid the driver and went to checkin the hotel.
As soon as she reached the room, she bolted the door fast and ran to the bathroom and sat under the shower.
The water was dripping fast from the shower so was her tears.'

why neel  why she screamed.Why didn't you trust me. Why didn't you for once listen to me
Kya galat kiya tha mene, jo tumne aisa kiya. Kyo ek baar bhi mujhe par vishvas nhi kiya. Ek baar bhi meri baat sune ki koshish nhi ki. Janti ho me ki jo tumne dekha uske baad tum nhi kar sakte mujhe par vishvas, par jo tumne dekha vo sach nhi than eel. Har baar mera saath diya tumne neel, dayawanti Mehta se bhi lad gaye mere liye, mujhe insaaf dilane ke liye, sach ke liye. Phir aaj kya hogaya neel tumhe.
(What have i done wrong that you did this with me. Why didn't you trust me for once only.  Why didn't you try to listen to me once. I know that after what you saw you can't trust me, but neel what you saw was not true. You always supported me neel, you even fought with dayawanti mehta, to get me justice, for truth. So now what happened to you neel)

'She said it out loud while crying continuously'

"Mujhe yunhi karke khwaabon se judaa
Jaane kahan chup ke baitha hai khuda
Jaanu na main kab hua khud se gumshuda
Kaise jiyun rooh bhi mujhse hai judaa"

Aaj tumhe sach kyo nhi dekha neel, vo sach jo meri aakho me tha. Har baat dekh jati hai tumhe to aaj sach kyo nhi dekha tumhe neel. Humara rishta kya itna kamzoor the ki ek hi pal me tut gaya, kya vo scene jo tumne dekha itna mazboot tha ki humare rishte ko kaach ki tarha tor diya, ek jhatke me itne sare tokde kar diye. Jinhe jodne ke bajae faik dena achca hota h.
(Today why can't you see the truth, the truth which was clearly shown in my eyes. You can see everything neel then why cant you see the truth today? Was our relation so fragile that it broke in a moment? Was the scene that you saw so strong that it broke our relation like a glass, in a moment it broke in so many pieces, that should be thrown away instead to joining them)

"Kyun meri raahein, mujhse pooche ghar kahan hai
Kyun mujhse aake, dastak pooche dar kahan hai
Raahein aisi jinki manzil hi nahin
Dhoondho mujhe ab main rehta hoon wahin
Dil hai kahin aur dhadkan hai kahin
Saansein hai magar kyun zinda main nahin"

Tumne hi kaha tha na neel kabhi mera saath nahi chodoge to aaj kyo chod diya, kyo mujhe aakela chod diya. Aisa kya galat kiya tha mene neel jo tumhe nashe ka aur rhea ka sahara lena padha, kya chuk ho gai thi mujhe se neel. Rhea ke vajhe se aaj ye sab kuch hua, aur tumne usme sahara donda. Kya Galati h meri, bhagwan kyo mere saath aisa hota h ki jinse bhi me pyaar karti hu me mujhe akele chod dete h
(neel you only said that you will always be there with me then why weren't you today, why did you leave me alone. What have i done so wrong that you have to take alcohol's and rhea's support, what mistake had i made? Everything happened because of rhea and you found your support in her. What is my mistake, god why does it happen with me that the people i love always leaves me alone. )

"Rait bani haathon se yun beh gayi
Takdeer meri bikhri har jagah
Kaise likhun phir se nayi daastan
Gham ki siyahi dikhti hai kahan
Aahein jo chuni hain meri thi raza
Rehta hoon kyun phir khud se hi khafa
Aisi bhi hui thi mujhse kya khata
Tune jo mujhe di jeenay ki saza"

Kyo mujhe tumse pyaar hua neel. Kyo mene itne sapne sanjhoe jab ki kaha tha tumne that we should move on. Kyo nhi samjhi me tab. Kyo tut gaya mera dil. Kyo.
( why did i fall for you neel? Why did it dream so many dreams when you said that we should move on? Why didn't i understand that time? Why did my heart break? Why?)

"Banday tere maathe pe hain jo kheenchay
Bas chand lakeeron jitna hai jahaan
Aansu mere mujhko mita te hain rahe
Rab ko hukm na mit ta hai yahan
Raahein aisi jinki manzil hi nahin
Dhoondho mujhe ab main rehta ho wahin
Dil hai kahin aur dhadkan hai kahin
Saansien hai magar kyun zinda main nahin"

kyun meri kismet me pyar nhi
(why there is no love in my Destiny)
' and she cried more loudly and now she breathe was not normal she started hyperventilating'

"Kyun main jaagoon, aur woh sapne bo raha hai
Kyun mera rab yun, aankhien khole so raha hai
Kyun main jaagoon"

Ma kaha ho aap(where are you mom)' she screams more loudly.'

*Flashback*
She was sitting on the bed with her legs folded and tightly pressed to her chest, her head on her knees, she was holding herself so tightly as if, if her hold gets a bit loose she might break like a glass. Neela was standing on the gate of avni's room when she witnessed her daughter so broken. Seeing her like this Neela's heart pricked. She ran to avni and hugged her, wipes off her tears and said  "Bacha aise rote nhi h. Tum strong ho. Aise tut nhi sakti hu. Sab theek ho jaega bhul jao sab kuch me hoon na"
(baby doubt cry like this. You are strong. You can't break like this. Everything get  fine, forget everything, i am here) and then they shared another tight hug,
*Flashback ends*

Sab kaise theek hoga ma, kaise bhul jao ki kya hua aaj. Kaise khanna family ne mujhe, aapki beti ko characterless aur bhi pata nhi kya kya kaha. Aisha ma ke saath bhi yahi hua papa me unhe akele chod diya tha aur aaj mere pati ne bhi. Sab kuch vaisa hi hai bas charcters badal gae hai. Mere character par dusri baar Shweta aunty ne question kiya. Aur bebe unhone last me kya kiya, mujhe agni pariksha dene ko kaha. Kyun do me Agnipariksha, jab mene kuch galat kiya hi nhi, har baar ek aurat hi kyo justification de ki vo pure h, uska bola kya kafi nhi hota ki proof chahiye sabko. Trust nhi h vaha rahkar kya faieda, bas papa ne trust kiya mujhe par. Agar phir kuch aisa hoga to phir ye sab mujhe hi dosh denge. Aisi jagha rahne ka kiya faida jaha aurat ka samman hi nhi hota, jaha aurat ko baar baar apni purity ka proof dena pade. Jaha ek aurat hi dusri aurat ko beizzat kare uspar gande gande allegation lagae. Sahi kiya mene, ye ghar chod kar.

'All her sadness turned into anger, which was justified.'

Par ab me Neela ma ko kya bolongi, aur amol uska kya. Neela ma ka baad me sochungi. Amol ko me subha phone karke bol dungi ki vo apna sara saman le kar nanno ke ghar chala jae jab tab Neela ma nhi aa jati. Ha ye karna sahi rahe ga.
(Now what should i say to neela ma. A and what about amol. I will think about neela  ma later. Tomorrow  morning i will ask amol to go to nanno's house with his stuff until neela ma comes. Yeah that will be right)

'After saying this to herself she stands up, and closes the shower and grabs the towel to dry herself.'

Its already 3 am. And my train is for 8, I must sleep; at least try to she murmured to herself

'After changing into fresh clothes she goes to the bed and lies down and closes her eyes in a hope that sleep will come to her. And yes it did come, not because she was calm but because she was exhausted from crying and hunger and all the emotional pain she experienced hours ago and that too for hours.'

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Thank you for reading this
Love you
Mehak