My Life

July 20, 2017

Michael, if you're still reading this stupid thing I'm writing, just skip this chapter. Please. 

So today I just woke up, did some chores, and then binge watched Glee. Super depressing btw. This show just kills me. 

Anyway, I literally just showered a few minutes ago and I had this inner vent that just occurred in my brain for no reason. Like honestly, I don't even remember how my brain started getting mad at life but it did. 

So I started thinking about jealousy and society and standards and shit. I think it started when I remembered Michael saying that some of his friends were roasting on me and I was like okay I don't really give a fuck. If they wanna roast me when they don't even know me, that just shows what kinda people they are. So then I started thinking like wow society's a real bitch. I don't fit your idea of a stereotypical pretty girl and I'm constantly judged for it. Society has so many standards that are just super stupid. So society thinks a pretty girl dresses in nice female clothing and many guys find it attractive when girls wear less rather than more. Guys are shallow. And they expect girls to look like supermodels. But bitches, I ain't no supermodel and I don't ever plan to be. I don't dress in ways you like, I don't wear makeup, I'm just not your ideal girl and fuck it bro, who cares? Guys do obviously but fuck em. 

So then I started thinking about how basically all guys are shallow. I don't wanna say names or anything, but a friend of mine is ALWAYS talking about girls' asses and boobs and shit even though he's in a relationship (they've been together for like 19 months or something like that) and I'm like wow, that's just, wow. He's even saying that he'd fuck with those girls and I'm like, that's such poor commitment shallow motherfucker. And then another guy who's my friend on the tennis team is a quality guy who likes girls for personality but also judges them based on appearance. This guy is an idiot and calls women the "evil of the world" so um, let's just not get into his views on women. Cause they're stupid, aggravating, and just plain out rude. So then let's move onto this other guy. This guy was tryna hit this girl up but he was talking about his exes and his former lovers with such a passion, talking about their butts and boobs and how great the sex was. BOY, first off, if you're tryna hit a girl up, don't say any of that. Second, really dude? Shallow much? He literally dated all those girls just because he thought they were hot and that's just....ugh, motherfucker. Okay, I've already given enough examples of this, but ya know, there's still guys out there who aren't shallow right? Yeah, personally I don't think so, but ig there has to be a few good quality guys out there who are genuine and don't judge females based on their appearance. 

So I see what guys expect from us girls. They want us to be hot, have nice bodies, and just look fucking perfect. Well okay, great for them. Let them be shallow hoes cause they're never gonna change. But what about us girls who don't give a fuck about that bullshit and who don't look like your stereotypical pretty girl? How do you think we feel when you say all this shit? 

Tbh I used to care a lot about what people think of me. I still do, but I've reached a point where I'm like fuck them. But at the same time, sometimes even I wish I could fit their standards. I wish I could look like those other girls do and be someone who everybody would never judge. 

So that thought of me wanting to look better got me onto the topic of jealousy. I'm a super jealous person. Why? Well, here are some reasons: