A Slayer With Wings

One

"What?" she exclaims. "Trixie is captain?!"

I nod firmly. "Yeah. Today's not April Fool's Day, and looks like the All-Father's brain is clouded as fuck."

"Language, Orson!"

I look at her puppy eyes, and decide I don't care. "Evangeline Youngspire, I'd love to tell you that I've been yanking your tail, but I'm not. Trixie is our new head."

"What the f-" she sounds as if she would start swearing herself.

"Language, my sweet Angel," I say. "The gesture is cute, though."

"Go f-" she seems to be unable to speak the word.

I grin. Let's do this the fun way. "Read after me: duck."

"Duck," she copies.

"Luck."

"Luck."

"Buck."

"Buck."

"Tuck."

"Tuck."

"Muck."

"Muck."

"Fuck."

"Fff...uh..."

I sigh and facepalm. "Evangeline Youngspire, you are officially hopeless."

"I'll take that as a compliment," she says, all smiley.

"Oh, of course, you little shit!" I cry.

Puppy eyes, oh how I hate you.

"Orson, that's mean!" she pouts.

"Bitch!" I cry. "Little slut!"

"Orson, you're impossible."

I smile, raising my voice a few hundred octaves higher. I brush back my hair exaggeratedly and say as Evangelinely as I can, "I'll take that as a compliment."

Huuh. I'm sick of her.

Evangeline took me with her to the All-Father to complain, but the All-Father simply said, "Trixie Alluni is more fit for the job than you think. She is more experienced than any one of you."

A heartless psychopath for that slot? Is he fucking kidding me?

"No," I say. "She isn't. She hardly talks, and when she does, she makes six-year-old Goodie look mature."

I'm met with a glare. "I thought that this would be a good opportunity for Miss Alluni to open up. With her experience..."

"Yeah, right, experience!" I'm practically shouting at my boss. "Name something the rest of us haven't done!"

"Slay a drakon?"

"Check, sir. Orson took care of one, and I took on three," reported Evangeline.

"Have either of you fought dark magic?"

"Which kind of dark magic?" Evangeline asks.

"You know how hard it is to combat a sorcerer? He can teleport. You have to fly. He can hijack your weapons, reduce steel into feathers. He can give you hallucinations, trap you in a world of your greatest fears, and you can't. Trixie has fought one- and won!"

We both shake our heads.

"Besides, Trixie has been fighting her own battle since she first joined the organization. She fears that she's been possessed by a Changeling, forcing her to act like someone she's not. Try holding your own against that, much less win."