Sun, July 23, 2017
I don't understand why you're so interested in someone like me. I feel so inferior to everyone around me. I'm not pretty like other girls, not physically appealling. I've given up yet you say you're never letting go. I'm afraid I'm not enough and I'll become boring. Everything is easy at first, easy to say things that might change later on. I'm afraid my feelings might change, considering they aren't as strong as I'd like them to be now. I feel lost and hopeless, just when I thought I was over this "emo stage". I hate myself. I'm not entertaining. Im boring. I dread the day you'll realize that. I'm insecure and ugly. I take the easy way out and settle. Why do I do that? I'm jealous and irritable. I can't see why you like someone as uninteresting as me. Why do I do the things I do? I wish things were perfect. I'm afraid and shy. I'm afraid I will fall back into the habit of pushing people away and overthinking. Things were easier that way, when you didn't have attachments. I miss her. Not her specifically. Our friendship. The feeling of trust. Knowing I could talk to her and tell her anything that was on my mind at any time of night and knowing she trusted me the same. That's where it all went wrong. I liked the idea of being liked. Maybe that's why this is happening now. I hope it gets better. I don't understand why you're interested in someone like me. I'm afraid of losing you. But you don't want me to talk about it. I'm afraid you're confused about your feelings and not thinking about the what ifs, ands and buts. But you don't want me to talk about it. I feel like I can't trust you with my feelings. Like I couldn't and shouldn't talk to you about my worries. I fear the worst. I think too much. I wish you could read my mind. Read between the lines. Decrypt my cryptic message. I feel we don't really know each other. I feel this isn't right, but I want it to be. I'm afraid to face the truth. But you don't want me to. I don't know how I feel. I just wish things were perfect.
