Here I am. All I feel is everlasting stress. Stress. I just wanna sit here and cry. No one could understand the internal stuggle. I don't even understand myself. Don't ask me about it. I don't know. It doesn't really matter. Stress. Many events happening way too fast. It's all over my head. Emotional. That's all I have to say until later...
November 2, 2015 7:53 a.m.
I cried a little last night. Nothing seems to be going right. Now I have to survive another week of school. I haven't worked in like 3 or 4 weeks... College is soon approaching... I'm letting everyone down. Im tired. So tired. I'm tired of this self pitying stage I'm in.. I'm sad. (Dark Times The Weeknd ft. Ed Sheeran)
3:42 p.m
She says that she's gonna be miserable forever. Why? How? It's so irrational. She's blinded herself. Tricked herself. What could I do other than keep doing what I've been doing. Just being there for her unconditionally. We're both in dark times. All I want to do is help. How can I. I can't really. But I can fake it and trick her into helping herself. This is only the beginning.
November 3, 2015 10:40 p.m
I'm contemplating my actions. What should I do? Maybe try reason? Shouldn't a week be enough time? Time for what anyway? The roles are reversed. I should be the one avoiding, and he should be the one wanting to talk if nothing else. Forgive and forget. Could he be mad at me? Maybe he just wants to give me space? Well. Let's not think about the maybes. Theyve proven to be wrong every time. We are both growing up. Becoming adults. It's about time to stop acting so childish. The worse that could happen is he shuts me down and that's it. Worse case senerio, he says some things, but all I can do is respect his decision, as he should mine. I'm not in the fault here, but we learn to forgive and forget. I don't hold grudges and I don't want to be bitter towards anyone. I specifically said I didn't want to do anything that could jeopardize our friendship. And look what happened. But. Being who I am, I'm still his friend, even if he isn't mine. If he comes around and needs help with anything, I'm there. Like I said in the beginning. I'll wait till Saturday. Say what I need to say, whether he responds or not. Don't get angry. Keep a clear head and open mind. It's perfectly understandable, whatever he may be going through. But tomorrow is another day...
November 4, 2015 8:23 a.m
" Hey. So, I don't expect you to respond to this, or even read it- you probably blocked me- who knows. Its perfectly understandable. In any case, I just thought you should know that I'm still your friend, regardless if you're mine. That being said, I haven't abandoned you, and I'm still here if you ever need help. Now I don't know about you, but shifting into our young adult years, I think its about time to start acting like adults and not petty children. Sure. That may sound hypocritical of me, but still. With that being said, I don't think it makes sense to not be friends over a failed relationship. Before all of that happened, I specifically said I didn't want it to come between us cause I wanted to be friends. You agreed, but things didn't go as planned. Considering the series of unfortunate events of this past week, I'm keeping a level head and open mind. I've given it a week to let things simmer down, collect my thoughts etc. Whatever. The last thing I'm gonna say is that I'm here if you want to talk."
November 5, 2015 2:24 p.m
Nothing really new about anything. Except I might be crushing on someone. Oops. Nothing special. Anyway. Tomorrow is another day..
