The Alpha's Nerd.

13. I Ran.

Arabelle's Pov:
I ran away. Yes I ran, call me a coward, clap your damn hands if you want to. Do you feel that, when suddenly everything is just too much and you just snap? One moment everything is smiles and laughter, the next anger surges inside you? Sometimes like right now is too much where, I just wanted to run and hide from the world but I can't do that now can I? Absolutely not! I have my moments of weakness, which remind me that I'm still human whether I believe or not, that whatever humanity I had left I lost it completely.

Was I being selfish? Yes I was. But its okay to be selfish sometimes. What's done in love is done well right? I suppose that's my justification, not the one I owe to people but to myself. How is it that in the need of being accepted by people, we forget who we are? I guess I was raised to be a people pleaser. The goddamn NO wouldn't just leave my mouth. Of course it does cross my mind, but no I like being needed. But then does anyone actually need me?
Or do I cross their mind when its ever convinient?
Always the YES spontaneously I would say.

How can you give, give and just keep giving, with a smile on your face and get nothing in return? Doesn't it hurt? Well it does. But now I'm numb to that. Don't you care? People ask. I care. So much that the pain that caring has caused, has become numb. But no one knows that right? Do you tell the sun to stop shining? Do you tell the universe to stop giving while it can? Do you tell the one you love to stop loving you? Nope you don't(if you said yes I think you just LIED) LIARS! The world is full of appropriate BS don't you think? Things that we tell others, but is actually a hoard of lies.

So here is the ever caring, Arabelle Lacey Steele, being a selfish bitch. I did the one thing, I do best other than caring of course... I pushed the people I love and care about away. I wanna see if I'm good enough for them or whether they really do care.
Me being irrational, selfish, immature? Oh sue me! Really go ahead! Like you haven't done that.
I think its fine, to spend time with yourself, a little gift to yourself, from time to time. Sometimes we get so busy, in loving the world and its lies, that we forget to love, the truth and ourselves. I wanna leave my past behind but its easier said, than done right?

So now, I will find myself and love myself before love finds me again. I will do it on my own terms. I have nothing. I lost the person I loved, but he will understand. He has to. I hope that when I'm ready he will be there, like he always has.

I lost the person I loved, the arms that once were my home...