G.U.A.R.D. Book #4: Tracked

-18-

    To no surprise, the Hunters and Alek weren't exactly happy I had been gone for hours. It was nearly lunchtime when I arrived at the infirmary. Even Sam wasn't happy. And even though I told Alek I had figured something out, I didn't give them any details. I just said I went for a walk. I honestly couldn't bring myself to tell them what I learned about Ally. What the file was about. What I feared Cindy really was.

We spent the day by Jim's side. Grayson and I got food from the cafeteria and brought it back to the others. Sam left at some point after asking us if we knew anything else. We obviously told him no.

It was only at night, when the lights were turning off and we all huddled together on the hard floor with nothing but thin blankets, that I let the grief truly enter. The room was still illuminated for the nurses to navigate, but it was dim. Somehow, it was like a cushion of protection created around me. Like a mom's tender touch. But not the kind that made you feel like everything would be okay; the kind that made you feel broken inside, like nothing you did would change things.

Cindy's betrayal was a stab in the heart, turning and twisting with every thought. I know I was already told she was in the League, but I don't think I ever believed it until that moment. I remembered the feeling of her lips, though it was so faint now. They were soft, but pressed against mine forcefully, as if she couldn't risk giving any less. Her hand curved around the back of my neck, fingers digging into my skin. And then the slight release, but her lips coming back stronger than ever. The desire. The beautiful intensity.

How could I have been so naive?

And yet it had seemed so real. I remembered tasting the blood dripping from her mouth into mine, the result from her bullet wound. I remembered the way she stuffed her letter into my hand, and then reading it after she died. It was long gone, burnt at Station 3. But the words were engraved in my mind.

Dustin,

If you're reading this, it probably means that I'm dead and Conner's safe with you. Which I really hope is not going to happen, but if it does, I'll hopefully be able to give this letter to you.

When you came out of your room, I told you I was sitting there because I couldn't sleep. That was partly true, I guess. I went out for some fresh air and just sat between our rooms. And as I was there... Lady Scarlet stopped by. She told me about meeting with you in the morning. She said she was going to kill you, but there was a chance I could save you. I had to sacrifice myself in order for you and Conner to survive. I asked how I could, and all she said was "You'll see."

I guess if you're reading this, I did see. And if you are reading this, it means that I did exactly what she wanted me to. I'm going fully aware that I might die, but after everything that's happened so far, what can they possibly throw at us, right?

And considering this is all not going to happen, might as well write this down, too. I've always seen you as just my best friend's older brother. But ever since we started this crazy, random adventure, I have seen you be strong, responsible, courageous, sweet, and now I feel like I'm rambling. I guess what I'm trying to say is... I really, really like you. And, you know, if I survive, then you'll never read this letter, and we'll probably just awkwardly talk about how you tried to kiss me before Max rudely interrupted us (and if I really die, please punch him for me).

So yeah. I'm going to die saving you, and I really like you. Average, everyday stuff.

-Cindy (Turquoise)

I didn't realize I was crying until I let myself breathe again. My chest was tight, as if a band was constricting it, and the breath came out in several huffs mixed with tears falling to the hard ground.