guarding the heart

Chapter 17: Different but Same

"Are you ready for this?"

Finn laughed at his step-brother before shaking his head and climbing out of the passenger's seat in Kurt's SUV. He shouldered his bag as he rounded the vehicle to join his brother. "Of course, man. It's just school, right?"

"It's the last first day of school you'll ever have, Finn," Kurt reminded him, pulling a satchel over his shoulder. "And it's the first time you'll be seeing her since you left."

The taller boy rolled his eyes as they walked toward the main entrance. Kurt had been practically hounding him ever since he'd let it slip that he'd decided not to open Rachel's letter. For some reason, Kurt was taking it almost as a personal affront; Finn couldn't really understand why. It was just a letter after all, and anything said in it could wait until Finn was sure about how to proceed with things.

Couldn't it?

"I won't be seeing her until Glee, man. She's super-smart and her classes are on the far side of the building with you. I have phys-ed to start my day; doubt she's coming anywhere near the gym."

"So, I take it you haven't decided what to say to her or how to say it."

Finn was getting annoyed and stopped walking towards the school for a moment to look at him. "No, not yet. Not that it's any of your business what we say to each other." He continued walking, only realizing after a moment that Kurt wasn't keeping up with him. He stopped and turned around. "Well?"

"Are you going to tell her what happened?"

Fuck! He'd just have to come out and ask that question, wouldn't he? Finn ran a hand through his hair and swallowed a bit before sighing. "I...don't know yet. It's...I'm still dealing with it all myself, okay? I don't know that I want anyone outside of family to know."

Kurt bit his lip but walked over to join the taller boy. "She practically is family, Finn. You know how close she and I are. And I know you two are closer to each other than you'd admit right now."

"I'm not sure that's gonna stay the same though, Kurt. She... may not want anything to do with me if she knows."

"You're being ridiculous, Finn. She won't care."

"Just like she wouldn't care if she found out I'd slept with Santana?"

The smaller teen rolled his eyes and shook his head, but Finn was thankful he at least had the common sense to keep his voice subdued despite his obvious frustrations. "You lied to her then, Finn. You let her believe she was the one who would eventually take your virginity. Can you honestly stand there and say you weren't partially at fault?"

Finn shifted his book-bag a little. "Believe me, I totally know I'm 'partially at fault'." He used air-quotes over the three words to mock his step-brother. "My point is Rachel doesn't exactly handle change well. Remember Sunshine last year? Rachel's high strung and overdramatic and yeah, I love her for it, but that doesn't mean I want to start off my last year of high school by turning that attention on myself."

"It'll be directed your way whether you want it or not, Finn. You left without telling her and haven't spoken to her since returning. You don't think she'll have something to say about that?"

The tall quarterback shifted a bit uncomfortably, glancing down at his feet and considering what to say next. Wayfor had emailed him the night before and basically told him the same thing, but he'd just shrugged off the message as her being nosy. Was she trying to warn him about how women think about things? Maybe he should he have clarified some things with his friend from the Guard before coming to school today.

When Finn looked back up at his brother, he noticed Kurt's gaze had shifted to look over by the dumpster. Kurt sighed a bit dramatically. "Speaking of not handling change well, I'd say some things are less likely to change than others."