guarding the heart

Chapter 15: Going Back

There he was. Dressed resplendently in a dark suit, blue tie, white button up shirt and holding a bouquet of flowers; flowers for her, no doubt. And when he turned and she looked into his eyes, he gave her that adorable half-grin that always, always made her weak in the knees and caused butterflies in her stomach.

What the hell are you doing? Her rational side argued to her. Are you really going to just forget everything that happened? This is the boy who lied about his virginity and his night with Santana. This is the boy who pushed you away and wouldn't listen when you tried to apologize for kissing Puck. This is the boy who then turned around and went back to Quinn and dated her until just last week. This will never work! You want Broadway and New York and your name in lights and he's just Finn!

The argument was always the same in her mind. It would constantly remind her that the tall, awkward, adorable boy in front of her was just Finn.

But then, that was the issue right there.

It was Finn. It was just FINN!

Finally, there was no one else around. Finally, there was no one else to get in the way.

It had been a long six months of life for her. She had tried hard to let him go, and even convinced herself after Valentine's that she had, only for her emotions to be sucked right back into desire and want for him in a matter of days for reasons unknown. Only two short, brief romantic opportunities had come along in that time. The first was a horrible attempt at dating Blaine resulting in a kiss that only proved to him he was most definitely gay. The second was an awkward, unapologetic kiss between her and Jesse. Although she was sure he intended it as sweet and emotional, it instead felt strange and gave her weird chills of some kind. It solidified in her mind that she and Jesse just weren't meant to be together as more than friends.

Finn, however? So not the case with Finn. She could get lost in his eyes and kiss him endlessly, each touch of his lips and fingers setting her heart on fire and her soul soaring above the clouds. Her torso practically ached to have his long, strong arms around her, lifting her off the ground or pulling her close into his chest. And though she hadn't admitted it to him, she loved the feeling of his weight on her when they made out and slowly explored each other's bodies overtop each other's clothes (and underneath a little too, were she completely honest). Her body seemed to sing and vibrate when around him, and nothing mattered more then to just be in his embrace.

Her feet started walking faster, and though her heart cheered her on, her mind cursed her for her lack of restraint. Was it normal to feel such total and complete infatuation with a boy? There was no star power or celebrity to Finn Hudson save his position as quarterback; there never was. But it always felt to her like there was.

She slowed slightly as she approached him. His eyes went wide as he took in her hair, her dress, her legs, her shoes. For the first time she noticed fully, completely and truly how he regarded her; there was adoration, love, awe and everything that made her breath hitch in her throat and caused her heart to flutter. How the hell had she convinced herself she didn't need this? That she was free, single and enjoyed it that way? That the world was her oyster and there were plenty of fish in the sea?

No there weren't. There was only one she wanted to catch. The same one she'd wanted since he first opened his mouth and sang alongside her in almost two years ago. And now here he was, flowers in hand, dressed to impress, and wanting to take her who knew where.

"Working date." He had uttered when she asked about their dress and formality.

Yeah. Right. Sure. But she smiled anyway at his nervousness because, well, when was the last time she had actually made a guy feel nervous?