guarding the heart

Chapter 2: Time & Space

"How do you know?" Rachel casually asked her father, Hiram, one evening as they both were watching television, the sounds of America's Next Top Model coming through the speakers. Rachel was only partially hearing it as thoughts ran through her mind. She sat next to her father, knees up on the couch and clutching a pillow to her chest.

"Know what, Sweetie?" Hiram asked after taking a sip of his tea, then setting it back down on the coaster on the coffee table.

"Who the right person is?" Rachel asked, turning towards her father. "How do you know they're right for you?"

Hiram smirked a bit and muted the television before facing her fully. "Still having second thoughts about Finn, aren't you?"

"No...yes...well..." Rachel's shoulders slumped with defeat and she collapsed back into the couch. "Maybe."

Hiram shook his head. "Personally, Rachel, I think you guys just need some time away from each other," he said again. "Don't get me wrong, I do like Finn. He's good natured and kind to you, and he always respected you when you were together. But from what you tell me he made some poor choices, Rachel, both while with you and afterwards."

"So did I though," Rachel said, hugging herself tightly. "If I hadn't just given into my need for revenge..." she trailed off, not wanting to give voice to the still painful memory.

"Kissing another boy while with Finn was definitely a bad decision, Honey; Noah Puckerman was the worst person you could have chosen to hurt Finn. I won't sugar-coat that, nor will I sit here and say I can't understand why he ended things with you after you told him. How often have your father and I taught you that two wrongs don't make a right?" Hiram took a breath and then smiled at her, his hand resting on her arm. "But Finn didn't do himself any favours by going back to an ex-girlfriend who had treated him and you so badly. Nor did he help himself by trying to play you and her off each other, or by attacking your date at Prom. He may not have done it intentionally, but Finn was not behaving acceptably. You stood beside him as a friend far longer than most would have, which shows how much you really do care for him. But after all that both of you did to each other, I do think you need to be apart for now and understand yourselves. Maybe someday in the future you'll be ready for each other again, but not the way things seemed to be going."

Rachel sighed and a lone tear escaped. "Then why do I feel like there's still this vast pull towards him? Like my heart won't accept the fact he's not beside me? Does that ever stop? Does it ever end to the point where he's just a friend and I don't want or see him as something so much more?"

"I can't answer that, Sweetie." Hiram shrugged a bit. "It did for me and my first boyfriend, whom I can now simply call a good friend, but it never went away with your father. Even after we broke up the one time, I couldn't stop that connection I felt with him. It's probably why we only broke up for a month before we were together permanently, knowing it would be forever. " He squeezed Rachel's shoulder. "It may just become friendship with Finn, it may turn back into love; it's hard to say, Ray-Ray. Time will tell. For all you know, Finn may decide to move on completely himself. Who knows how this summer will change both of you?"

"That's what I'm afraid of," Rachel admitted as she pushed her way into her father's arms and curled against his chest, another tear escaping. "What if we both change so much we aren't even friends afterwards? He still hasn't called or texted me to say why he wasn't at the party, and I know it shouldn't bother me after New York, but Daddy, it...it does. It really does. "

"He's hurt, Honey. He needs space, that's all. Let him have it if you still want to be his friend. He's letting you have yours by not phoning and texting constantly. Take advantage of it."