I Can Feel Your Pulse ~ A Bastille Dan Fan Fiction

Chapter IV

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It was cold outside and the moon and the stars were shining. I went the short way from the street in front of Dan’s apartment to the park we went through. Everything was silent up to the little stones on the way which scrunched under my shoes. While I went through the park I noticed that there was a little lake if you go a bit through the trees, I went through it and looked at the beautiful water. I think actually I had to went to my car and drive back home but I didn’t want to, I just wanted sitting there next to the lake and dreaming.

I noticed a little bank being next to the lake with trees around it. Perfect. I went to it, fast and maybe a bit exited. I sat down on it and pulled my legs to my body. I smelled Dan, I wore his hoodie and so I could feel his wonderful smell. I snuggled down in the sweater and closed my eyes. I could feel every heartbeat of mine, every single breathe. Suddenly I felt like I should sing, I felt it in my warm, beating heart. “When you fall asleep with your head upon my shoulder. When you're in my arms but you've gone somewhere deeper.” A tear flowed down my face and I sobbed a bit, I didn’t even know why. Maybe just because this moment was so wonderful. Or painful. Or both.

“Are you going to age with grace? Are you going to age without mistakes? Are you going to age with grace, or only to wake and hide your face?”

“When oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than I ever can.” Suddenly I heard a voice singing from my back.

“When you play it hard, and I try to follow you there. It's not about control but I turn back when I see where you go.” I turned around. There was Dan. Dan, singing, with a worried face on.

“Hey” He said. “What’s happened Jessy?” He asked. Dan took a few steps to reach the bank I sat on and sat down next to me. I was uncontrollable sobbing and the tears flowed in streams down my cheeks. “Oh my god, Jessy, no, just tell me what makes you cry so hard. I don’t want you to be like that. Please smile. I love your smile!” He said with his soft voice. “I don’t want you to depress with my problems Dan” I sobbed.

He didn’t say anything, he just hugged me. He ran his fingers through my hair. “Just trust me Jess” He whispered. He freed his self a bit from the embrace and looked me into my face. And then it happened and his soft lips were on mine. We kissed. It was wonderful. I ran my fingers through his hair. His right hand stayed right on my cheek, stroked my face, my hair and wiped away the tears that flowed down my face; his left hand was on my waist. We were so close, I could feel his heart beating fast.

It seemed like the kiss was forever. “Wow” He said as we were just sitting there, hugging a bit. “Wow” I replied.

“If you want… I’m telling you now about…” I cried a bit again. “Yeah” He said, looking seriously. “Ok… Ahhm… My older brother died half a year ago and…Oblivion was something like… Our song.” I sobbed. “I’m so really sorry Jess…” Dan cleared his throat. “Yeah…”  I tried to say something again. “I fell in a deep hole since that happened. I cut my arms and I thought about killing myself.” Dan looked shocked. “If I knew Jessy, oh my god…”

I showed him my right wrist, full of scars. He touched it shyly, softly. “And then I went from Manchester, my home, to London and everything became better. Especially because of your music I never gave up myself completely…” He looked like every single word I said to him would cause something different in his mind. “Does it make you sad I wrote Oblivion?” He said looking worried. “No, Dan, how could it?” I smiled and he smiled too. “Jessy, you know that if there’s a problem you can always tell me, ok?” He smiled on me. And kissed me again with his soft lips, full of passion and love. Love? I didn’t know if he loved me, I didn’t even really know if he liked me. But he kissed me. He must like me, he wouldn’t kiss me if he wouldn’t would he?

“Would you like to come with me to my apartment again? I guess you don’t want to be alone this time, right?” His words broke through my thoughts. “Yeah, I’d love to” I smiled.

A few minutes later we were on the way back to his flat. It was dark, so I couldn’t see anything but I could feel Dan there going next to me. Our hands touched for maybe 5 or 6 times softly and shyly and finally he took my hand. Now there was bit moonlight and so I could see him a bit blushing while holding my hand.

“Here we are again” He grinned and took his hand off mine to open his apartment’s door. There was his warm smell everywhere again as I went in and so I couldn’t do anything but smiling totally happy and feeling so secure. “What are you thinking right now?” He giggled. “Ahm... You flat is nice, that’s what I think" I grinned.

“Go on” He said and showed with his finger on his bedroom. I went in it and he said: “Ahm… I can give you are shirt and boxer shorts to sleep for you?” He looked for some clothes in his wardrobe and gave a shirt and boxer shorts to me. It was his black To Kill A King shirt. “You can change your clothes in the bathroom; it’s next to this room” He told me and I went off his bedroom to change.

As I was ready with changing my clothes I knocked the bed room’s door. “Yeah” It came out of it and I opened the door. Dan was there standing in a new shirt and boxer shorts. It was really … Nice to see this, if you know what I mean.

“It’s really late now I think… You can sleep in the bed; I’ll sleep on the couch in the living room, ok?” He asked. “Ok” I said. The bed is for two persons Dan…

I shyly began to lay down on the bed while he still was standing there. “Good night” He said smiling. “And try to sleep a bit. Just don’t think about it, only try to sleep” He still smiled. Then he took the few steps to reach me, and kissed me short but softly.

He whispered something while getting out of the room but I couldn’t really understand what.

Dan’s Part

After I said good night to Jess, I got out of the room and went in to the living room. Normally I wouldn’t sleep at this time, but I was really tired in a strange way. I went the few steps to the couch. I slept, but I slept not well. There were dark thoughts in my head.

I woke up by hearing someone crying. Jessy!  That was my only thought in this moment. I got up from the couch and went, no, ran to my bedroom to do something against her sobbing.

“Jess, Jess, calm down, please, everything will be ok!” I tried to help her. “I dreamed of him” She sobbed uncontrollable. “Everything is ok, Jessy! Really!”

I tried to smile but it hurt me so much seeing she there in this situation. Deep in my soul I cried with her. “When all of your flaws and all of my flaws are laid out one by one. A wonderful part of the mess that we made we pick ourselves undone. All of your flaws and all of my flaws they lie there hand in hand ones we've inherited, ones that we learned they pass from man to man” I sang quietly.

She closed her eyes and after a few minutes she was asleep. She looked so beautiful and cute when she slept, there were no words for it. I didn’t want to leave her but I was so tired and so I decided to lay down next to her.

I tried to make no noise and lay myself down next to her quietly. I could hear her slowly breathe and smelled her. I just lie there, stroked her hair and watching her sleeping. I took her soft hand and then I kissed her cheek. “Good night, beautiful. Love you”