It Changed My Life

April

APRIL

"Everything will be fine April. I won't let anything happen to you."

"He won't come near you."

"I'll make sure he stays away from Trent..."

Those were the words Melissa promised me. And I trusted them. But those words died the moment Melissa got into a car accident the day she left my house after she promised me those words.

She died.

She died the day she promised that she'd keep me safe.

He's probably looking for me. Looking for a way to humiliate me. Maybe a way to kill me. Make my life a living hell.

All my self hope, self dignity, and self worth died with Melissa. She was my rock. My everything, she kept me grounded. Now I've got nothing, that night I broke down and cried. I didn't have a panics attack. But I broke.. A lot, a million shattered pieces that no one will be able to put back together. I feel like a puzzle. One of those puzzles that you can't put together because of all the tiny pieces. Some are broken, missing. Or from a different puzzle. You will never be able to put this puzzle back together.

I sit in my room crying.

Crying all day.

Crying all night.

I've missed 2 weeks of school. Everyone probably thinks I'm dead. Let them think it. I feel like I'm dead already. I throw things across my room until a small cigarette box stands out to me. It gleams with the fan light that hangs above my bed. I scoop the box up and head to my bathroom. I lock my door behind me and slide to the floor.

I realized it's been two years since I've done this. I pop the cap of the case open and look at the beautiful slivers of silver that I have collected over the year. I pick the biggest sharpest blade of them all and clean it with the peroxide I have under my sink.

I don't want it to be noticeable so I fold down the hem of my spandex shorts and look at my skinny hip that stands out from lack of food.

I glide the blade alone my hip.

The terrible sensation of pain hits me. It feels wonderful... I love it.

I missed it so much.

Before I knew what was happening I have 8 fresh bloody scars on my hip. I take a cloth and hold it against my exposed hip. I hiss at the foreign fibre on my wounds.

I feel like I've released a small monster inside of me, but it wants more...