It's all your fault.
Thats all Dean said.
Its all my fault.
Everything is my fault nowadays. I've been trapped in the basement of this church for a while now. They have been slowly torturing me day after day with a demon who looked like the man I love... Dean Winchester. I knew it wasn't him but it all felt so real and I don't think i'll ever be the same after this..
It's all my fault.
When the real Dean came to save me I was scared because I couldn't tell the difference between the two Dean's. When he picked me up I thrashed and screamed for him to let go. He started crying and asking me what they did to me. I kept on thinking it was all a trick, that this was just the fake Dean and he was bringing me somewhere to torture me, or to brain wash me some more.
It's all my fault.
When we got back to the bunker I was still screaming. Dean was still trying to calm me down by saying that I was home and that I was safe. I didn't believe him because I thought it was a sick joke.
It's all my fault.
I kept hearing the fake Dean's voice inside my head. I couldn't take it. I couldn't look at him without cowering into a corner. After a couple days of avoiding the Winchesters I realized that this was real and I was saved. I still couldn't face my boyfriend though. It brought back those bad memories. I knew Dean felt bad and I felt bad for making him feel bad, but I couldn't help it and that's what I told him... he said he understood.
It's all my fault.
I was sitting in the kitchen across from Sam, contently eating, when Dean came from down the hall way rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
I started screaming. I grabbed the nearest knife and held it in front of me in a protective stance.
"Woah Cas put down the knife" Sam said while holding his hand out in front of him.
"No! He hurt me!!"
Dean just looked down disappointed.
"Cas, It's me. I'm never going to hurt you ok"
I dropped the knife and ran to my room. I cried. I couldn't get any sleep that night or the next night or the night after that.
I hadn't come out of my room for a month now. Dean and Sam knock on my door sometimes and ask if I'm ok but I never answer.
I got some nights of sleep but only to be awoken by my nightmares. I hadn't eaten in a month I was starting to become skinnier and skinnier each day.
One day I decided, that I needed to stop, I needed to get up and get out.
I opened the door to my room and walked out slowly like I was on the moon. I peeked into the kitchen and saw Dean.
He had red eyes with bags under them. His hair was a mess. He was a mess. I walked into the kitchen all the way.
"Dean?"
"Cas?"
Dean stood up slowly, scared that he would induce another panic attack.
"I'm not scared anymore Dean. I love you"
He ran up to me and kissed me with intensity. He threaded his fingers through my long hair. I smiled into the kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck. I was so happy.
He pulled away breathless and looked down into my eyes.
"I missed you so much"
"I missed you too, Dean."
"I'm never letting you go again. I will love and protect you 'till the day I die"
I looked down and smiled.
When I ate my first bite of food I instantly threw up. Dean helped me readjust to the 'outside world' again. He loved me and I loved him. That's why it didn't help when I was in the hospital two months later... dying. He came to me every day and read books and just made me laugh. The doctors soon informed us that I was going to die in two weeks. The last words I heard from Dean were the last words from the last Harry Potter book. "All was well". But it wasn't.
