Cas walked down the streets of Kansas. His boyfriend on his mind. What Dean would think if he came home like this, how he would react.
He arrived at the door of the bunker, scared to go in. It was one of those moments that you felt when you were a child, you heard a noise under the bed, you really didn't want to check but you knew you had to. That was the bunker to Cas, under the bed.
When he put his hand on the doorknob it felt like ice, the type of ice that stung when you touched it. He was paralyzed, the only thing moving was the silent tears rolling down his cheeks.
He opened the door and saw Dean sitting at the table located in the middle of the bunker.
"Hey, babe. How was the Hunt-" that was when Dean saw Cas. He was covered in blood, scared out of his mind.
"Cas! Oh my god!" Dean ran to the top of the stairs to Cas checking his body for any injuries, he found nothing except the scared, tear-filled eyes of his boyfriend.
It was at that moment that Cas fell onto Dean in a dummy-like way. It scared Dean to his wits.
"Okay, okay. You're going to be alright, okay?" Dean combed his fingers through Castiel's hair in a soothing motion.
"I-I couldn't save them" That was all Cas said. He kept repeating those words to Dean over and over again.
"Alright, let's get you cleaned up. You are going to be okay, okay?"
Cas nodded.
Dean picked Cas up in a bridal-like style. He brought Cas to their shared bedroom. The whole time Cas was shaking. Dean pushed his head into the crook of his neck while soothing his hair away from his eyes trying to calm him down.
"Shh, baby. You're okay."
Dean sat Cas on the bathroom counter, stepping away to turn on the bath water. Dean started to strip Cas' clothes off slowly as to not cause him any discomfort.
Once Cas was ready to bathe. Dean picked him up again and lowered him into the tub. Dean took his shirt off, so he didn't get it wet, and started washing Cas' hair and body.
Cas was clinging on to Dean's shoulder while Dean rubbed a washcloth down his back.
"I c-couldn't save t-them, Dean" Cas spoke shakily.
"Couldn't save who, Cas?"
"The town. I ruined families. I killed women and children." Cas whimpered, burying his head in Dean's shoulder.
Dean sighed. "It's okay, baby. You didn't know."
Cas went on a hunt that involved the Darkness. He couldn't find her quick enough and she killed a town's worth of people.
Dean finally picked Cas up and out of the bath. He wrapped a towel around Cas and laid him on the bed.
Cas was still shaking and was silently crying.
Dean started to slip on Cas' pajamas, which was just Dean's old sweatpants and flannel.
Cas was grateful to have Dean with him through thick and thin.
Once Cas was dressed again, Dean laid down next to him and held his angel tightly in his arms.
That was when Cas let it all out. He sobbed and sobbed. Saying the same words over and over again "I'm evil, I couldn't save them".
Dean just held him trying to calm him down.
"Cas I can't bear to see you like this. I love you. You are not evil you are good. You didn't do anything wrong, you didn't know".
Dean stroked Cas' hair softly running his fingers through it. Cas visibly started to calm down.
He loved Dean so much.
Over the past couple weeks Cas was going through PTSD but Dean calmed him down throughout his panic attacks and nightmares.
But Dean kept asking the same question. Why him?
