Inspired by @ThirlMuffin's one-shots Imagination and When You've Gone
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Jesy
I'm at a payphone, trying to call home
All of my change I spent on you
I stood on the platform, waiting for the train to Pennsylvania Station, with the cold device to my ear. I wore my best outfit, prayed she'd pick up her phone and forgive me for all my wrongs and tell me she wanted me to come back home.
During our time apart I changed. I changed for the better. While we were together I became another person, because I changed into the person she wanted me to be. Eventually, I forgot who I was and became someone neither of us liked. But now I had found myself. I was a person I liked. I finally knew who I really was.
Now I was ready to meet her again, to start over. I had spent so much of my valuable time on her already. I didn't want all those years to be for nothing. Because to me, those years meant everything.
I've tried to call her for ten minutes straight, but with no luck. I came as far as to her voicemail. The recorded version of her voice was the only thing from her I received. I started to run out of coins. I didn't have many of them left and knew my chances to speak to her decreased for every failed phone call.
Where have the times gone? Baby, it's all wrong
Where are the plans we made for two?
We had a good run when we were together. The first year was like a fairytale, like a dream. I danced on clouds that year. Everything was perfect, we had our life together figured out. But as the years passed, the bad times began taking over the good. In the end, we had no light left in our relationship. We suffocated in the darkness that crept up on us from behind. Blindsided us completely. Like Nelly Furtado would say: all good things come to an end. Our relationship did. It ended very abruptly. The break-up shocked everyone, our friends and families. They thought we would make it, that we would get married, buy a nice house, have children, and grow old together.
All the plans we made went down in flames. They burned to crisps the moment she said "it's over" and threw me out of the flat we bought on our second anniversary.
Yeah, I, I know it's hard to remember
The people we used to be
Like I mentioned before; I changed into a person I didn't recognize just because she didn't like the person I already was. She changed as well. After the break-up, when I didn't have her hanging over me anymore, I became the person I wanted to be. But the person I became, the young woman I was now, was not who I was in the beginning of our relationship or the person I was before we met.
I didn't remember who I used to be. No matter how hard I tried, the memories of the old me refused to come back. And if I couldn't remember who I was in the very beginning, how the hell would she remember the person she fell in love with in the first place? As far as I knew, she forgot everything about the good times, she forgot the people we were before things started to go downhill.
The people we used to be, they were long gone. They would never come back. I'd never be the Jessica Nelson I was when I met her at our mutual friend Jade's birthday party. She would never be the girl she was when she introduced herself and bought me a drink. We were two different people now.
It's even harder to picture
That you're not here next to me
As difficult as it was to remember the people we once were, it was also extremely difficult to accept that I didn't have her by my side anymore. I didn't want to accept that she was gone, because I still wanted it to be us against the world. That's what we said, what we promised that late winter night in the middle of January. We promised each other we would stick together, no matter what.
