A Twist In My Story (命运的捉弄)

the twelfth chapter

"I have loved her since the very beginning and you know that"

(..I didn't know that, I wasn't aware of that. I thought you love me only to say that now in the end, when you have stopped what we had.)

"I love you as a friend okay"

(..Okay.)

"I am with her and I love her she is the reason why i wake up in the morning"

(Shouldn't be. Yea, you are with her. Wasn't she the whole reason why you stumbled upon me?)

"I know you're crying, and I'm sorry"

(It doesn't sound like you are, or sincere. Maybe you're just aware but I'll take it)

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Blasted the song on my headphones.. Usually max or two tones down.. Closed my eyes.. Opens.. Aux cord.. Blasted to the speakers of the sound box..I go.. Pour your heart out

"I Don't Love You" by My Metal Lover

🎶🎶

‡‡ Well, when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

And after all this time that you still owe
You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whoa

When you go
Would you even turn to say
I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday

Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
I don't love you
Like I loved you yesterday

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday ‡‡

🎶🎶

Perfect song.

By this time, when we started to wreck, you depart I just completed my song. With lyrics and harmony.

Only one thing left is to publish it, produce it and let the world hear it.
I really wish even now we don't talk at all, I'd at least let you have this song to listen and feel what I feel & felt, that is valid and transparent.

Posted on MusicCloud! Seems like this would be brilliant! I knew I have always the talent to record and sing; only lue, this different kind of dedicated poetry.

Hmmmmm. 🎤🎧🎶🎼🎸

Playing the bridge of Troy Sedan on my guitar and re-realized the song part.

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

So if you don't mind, I'll walk that line
Stuck on the bridge between us
Gray areas and expectations
But I'm not the one if we're honest, yeah
But I wanna sleep next to you
And I wanna come home to you
I wanna hold hands with you
I wanna be close to you ‡‡

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

-
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

I was back from a short, summer break to Uni. It has happened, I broke, cried, tears streaming down my face. Couldn't hide what I felt deep inside; very heartbroken.

I stood outside the laboratory room wearing all the laboratory apparatuses.
I held the railings and stood there quietly crying, behind me were lockers and the doors to the lab room. I just poured my soul right there cos I thought no one would see me and everyone's busy in their classes doing their seat works and experimenting. I just had to excuse myself for a while to cry out my gaping emotions.
Then, two girls namely Abegail and Jean was walking just outside their laboratory room; they're freshmen students, who I happened to first stumbled upon on when I was starting another term and we chatted for a while, it was fun, and they were nice! :)
So, I was crying absentmindedly, didn't even notice the two of them could be visible in my peripheral. As I was not even ready to stop crying and feeling my emotions. I saw them on my right shoulder. They were walking towards my way when they stopped and stared at me.
I feel so embarrassed that I was shedding tears, I've told them before that I've got a girlfriend but she wasn't in the school and not too much detail but they know it was happy news. So, I think now they knew it ended, and it ended badly from the way I was crying right in the middle of class experimentations and outside of our room.
They're two really nice best friends, who happened to be at one click in their freshmen year. They seem like they know each other forever! I love their friendship, I like hanging out with them, they're fun and seems like they just laugh away whatever problems they have that are just kept to themselves.
Either way, I had a slight crush on one of them, I just thought she's pretty but I didn't risk it anyway since she likes boys and I have asked her that question and even so, I have just gotten out one that really broke me. I cannot lead her on or myself.
They didn't try to approach me because maybe they didn't know how? Or we weren't too close to also be trying to comfort one another. After which, I head on inside of class.

-
-

"I hope you're okay."

(I hope I'm okay, but I know I'm not..are you?
.
.
.
Okay?)

"Do something productive to go on and keep yourself busy to be happy"

(I do try that, but it is hard it doesn't work as how you think it would. At times, I would just stop whatever I'm doing and couldn't able to do)

-

"No, I lost if you leave.."

(You truly know.. But let's see what happens)

"I will still be, I want to be your friend."

(But I don't think, I'll ever be okay with that. Just like that I'd just be your friend. Which I really want to. But I have feelings for you I need time)

"You will find someone better and you will like her and she'll like you. She's not me I am sorry"

(She is you, I don't need better, I've found best. No wonder how you never knew)

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Thank you for making me so happy"

(Words,.. That I wanted not to hear and want to hear of course, as well, but differently.. Said differently meant differently. Not like this not like how it seems to sound so amusingly vibrant and at the same time having the feeling of detachment. That's not what anyone
wants to feel)

But I guess, I did right. I did something wonderful. I've done my deed. I made you happy and now you go away, I know.